World of Bile

Thoughts, pics and links from me to you.. Read on...

My Photo
Name:
Location: London, United Kingdom

I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Free DVDs and Stephen King.

Surrey County Council in their beneficience have bestowed free DVD rental on me. Woo! Hoo! Judging by the amount of crap there is on the telly I can keep myself otherwise entertained by watcing films instead..

God help this blog if it simply becomes one long film review. However I gotta tell you about what I've been checking out so far - your starter for 10: who is this little fella in?

Cor-rect! It's a good spooky film, but nontheless the Sixth Sense has one glaring error. Bruce Willis's character is dead after about 10 minutes yet he doesn't know it?!!! These points come to mind:

  • If he tried to physically touch his wife (which Im sure many blokes do over the course of a year) he'd realise something was up.
  • If he tried to buy something from a shop (absolutely anything) he'd realise something was up.
  • You see him in his office - wouldn't he try to have a word with some of his colleagues?

How come Patrick Swayze in Ghost took only about 10 minutes to suss it out? Willis is sposed to be a psychologist for goodness sake!!! Grrr!

Anyway, film related rant completed now. Where was I? Oh yeah.. I had a very pleasant surprise on Thursday when I got back from work, my Stephen King tickets came though the post! Yeaaaaahhhhhh! Promise I'll tell you all about after the event.

Friday, October 27, 2006

My New Mobile Number

Still really dont know who reads this but:

I have a new mobile number..

I'm not gonna post it here but if you want to know it please drop me a line.

Thank you for your time.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

On a lighter note...


I couldnt leave things on such a depressing note. Here's a joke a work colleague sent to me today, made me chuckle..

'Got any beer?'


Darryl the duck walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f***king bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any f***king bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f***king beak to the bar you irritating b***ard bird!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says; "Got any bread ?"

Hahahahahahahaha!

Something I wrote in unhappier times.

I stumbled across this when I was looking on my Ciao account where you can make (a bit of) money out of writing reviews of stuff - more for fun rather than anything else. My total 'earnings' so far total a prodigous £6.80!

This was written at the time of a breakup with my ex - you can see my whimsical style laced with a little exasperation and bitterness. Was I trying to be profound with it? I really dont have no idea now.

My B is for breakup. Good cheerful stuff hey? Before you ask, its ok... you arent intruding on any private grief or anything. Its just something I need to get out off my chest. Of course you've all been there before but here's my take on things. Will try to make it insightful and entertaining for you. Ok? Read on...

Life is like walking down the street. Watch out for the obstacles - cracks in the pavement, the women brandishing pushchairs like deadly weapons all that kind of thing. They'll leave you battered and bruised, and if you fall over head first... lacking a few teeth too! But when fate conspires against you there's no chance. One minute you're walking along minding your own business, next minute Fate appears from behind a hedge to deliver a kick the groin very hard.

My ambush was on 27th December, happy Christmas huh? My girl said it was over. She was travelling in Vietnam so I didnt really have the chance to persuade her otherwise. Damn..

Fate dealt me a good hard kick in the nuts there. Studded toecaps too for extra bruising - very nice! As I was lying on the ground in the foetal position, eyes watering slightly the sentiment struck home. 'Been feeling complacent and smug recently? Thought love would always be on the menu? Well it isnt! Here's a new recipe you'd best get used to: disillusionment, indequacy, sprinkle with resent and allow to simmer for a while. How do you like them apples?'. Fate did his job well, he left me prone at his feet, wished me a cheery 'good day' before resuming on his way. Through my tears I heard his footsteps and merry whistling, on the way to change someone else's life.

And the lesson of this story is.... If someone wants to kick you in the balls, wear protection! It will lessen the blow a little!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Mobile Phones



There's more pictures of my exploits coming soon, honest...

I'm writing my thoughts down the public library.. an old man is gasping behind me like Darth Vader in receipt of a particularly satisfying hand job.. the joys of free internet use...

Well not too much is going on at the moment, I have traded my old PAYG arrangement for a nifty new, all singing, all dancing gadget on 02. In my possession there is now the Nokia N73 - something which wouldnt look out of place in a Star Trek series (see above left) - hell you can even download porn on it too...erm, so I've been told.

Not that I'd use it for such heinous acts, I'm busy playing snake at every possible opporunity. The Nokia 1100 I once had is reminiscent to the great mobiles the likes of the A-Team used to wield during the 1980s - on a slightly smaller scale of course! The black n'white blocky, almost Pongesque game has received an infusion of Wipeout on the Play Station, and its bloody loud to boot! What other joys can I look forward to? One day Im sure Ill opt for Bluetooth, even though it'd make me look like one of Madonna's backing singers off duty. You can even buy memory cards, put tunes on 'em to use the phone as an MP3 player! Where's the amazement in that? I hear you ask? Well, to someone who still uses his CD player as accompaniment for getting from A to B its a pretty damn fine thing..

Think Ill leave it there for now. The old duffer's wheezy gasps are the only soundtrack in the empty library now.. Off to the pub to watch City kick off against Colchester United on Sky.

Up the Sky Blues!

Laters

Alex

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

It does exactly what it says on the tin!

I was flicking through the theatre and cinema listings at the back of the Metro the other day. Something made me smile; a picture of Alan Cumming looking gaunt and tormented with the title 'Bent' in bold, 36 point type above his face...

Mmmmm... I wonder what the theme of that is....

Sunday, October 15, 2006

A man and his bears.

I'm a big fan of the cinema. But, let's face it, most of the multiplex mush which dribbles out really isn't that special, thought provoking or different. I have just seen something which is pretty unique: a film by German beardstroker Werner Herzog called Grizzly Man.

The 'story' is a montage of the best bits of 100 hours of wildlife footage shot by a naturalist and wildlife campaigner called Timothy Treadwell. He spent 13 summers of his life from 1990 in an Alaskan National Park filming the bears, foxes and other wildlife before becoming a crunchy snack for Gentle Ben in October of 2003. Some of the film is absolutely stunning: beautiful arctic summer landscapes, bears fishing, beating seven bells out of each other, chilling in the sun and stuff like that. It is only from the images which he shot that I finally realise how huge those brown bears actually are! Case in point, footage of a bear rubbing his back up against a tree - his head is partly obscured in the bushes above. Treadwell stands in the same spot and he stands only halfway as high!
However the real star is Treadwell himself. The bloke looked like Boris Johnson in camo gear, sounded like Andy Warhol and was absolutely stark raving bonkers! He was in equal measures camp, amusing and extremely needy.. a fascinating combination for a naturalist.

Mmm, chewy..

The bear in the pic above was christened 'Mr Chocolate'. They all received similar petting zoo handles from the man above. He really must have thought them cute, cuddly looking creatures who loved him as much as he loved them. And he told the animals he loved them on a regular basis. You expect that from an eight year old girl but a forty five year old man fro goodness sake? One of the foxes nicks his baseball cap and runs off through the thicket with it. Treadwell follows in pursuit (with camera) shouting 'For f*ck's sake Amber, bring it back! Bring it baaack! I neeed it?'. David Attenborough he wasnt...

Between the pics of bears at work, rest and play we get talking heads chatting about the man himself, ex girlfriends (he had a few!) , the pilot who found his remains, the coroner who dealt with them and so on. Herzog interviews an old flame who has a recording of his demise and listens to it in front of her. She bursts into tears on seeing his response to the audio which is more shocking than us hearing it ourselves..

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Pounding the Pavement..

I can't lift my arms over the vertical this morning but it's all worthwhile..

No, its not the after-effects of some decadent orgy I'm talking about (although that would be fine by me), I donned my running shoes and went running on Tuesday evening! If you're interested the route was Kingston Bridge, down the towpath past Hampton Court, across the bridge, up Portsmouth Road and back - 6 and a bit miles in 58 mins 33 secs - I bet you find that fascinating eh? The reason why I'm telling you this is mentally it really sorts you out! By the time I staggered back all my stresses and strains had flowed away - I felt relaxed an at peace with myself. Believe or not, some religious sects incorporate running into their religious rites and ceremonies. Check out the link for
these nutters..
Now when I go out running I wear sensible trainers, shorts and a T-Shirt - the monks of Mount Hiei get their athletics gear from slightly more unconventional outfitters...

Just in case you get a bit knackered a bloke with a big stick starts prodding after 30 miles - that is till you turn round and lamp him one...

Friday, October 06, 2006

Not a happy bunny..

Let me get my grumbling out the way first..

Was checking out the sum total of my efforts here on blogger and this morning... someone had left me a comment!! Was hoping it would be some amusing words of wisdom from a friend. It was:

crismiller13541482 said...
hey, I just got a free $500.00 Gift Card. you can redeem yours at Abercrombie & Fitch All you have to do to get yours is Click Here to get a $500 free gift card for your backtoschool wardrobe

'Right. Well that will be spam then.' I thought as I considered pitching my PC across the office. Seem to have so much pent up aggression at the moment.. delayed trains? Hate 'em! dawdling people on the pavement? Hate 'em! I could go on but you really wouldnt be that interested.. I know what would mellow me out and you dont want me to share that wisdom, trust me!

Anyway, I was looking forward to seeing a good buddy of mine called Simon - a fella I have not seen for about sixth months. He has mellowed into a life of marriage, respectable academia job and now has a cute 6 year old son in tow. And to up the ante further I got to meet Mark's ex lodger Zac again after nearly a decade away - a guy who makes Bill Clinton look like Victor Meldrew in the charisma stakes. To be quite honest, it all got pretty messy from there on in.. I have only a vague memory of the cigars and second bottle of wine we consumed and a quite unusual recollection of Simon speaking Mandarin and Zack speaking Spanish in a chinese restaurant in Soho.. To top everything off, Simon had to wait for the final train home at 1am!! Even his 3 grand season ticket couldnt get him a 11.40 service home... I would have thought SWT could have made it guilt edged or something.. you pay three big ones to get to work a year you expect some kind of service dont you??

Needless to say I woke up the following morning with the 'Ive been licking the cat' sensation in my mouth and a disagreeable upset in my stomach. The whole day was a write-off. I've got a hankering for cafe creme cigars just thinking about it..

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Moving House

Well, I live in Surbiton now...

Its a quiet, shared house nestled in the midst of surburbia. Big shout out to Steve providing the transport, I chucked him 30 notes and he was decent enough to spend some of it on beer after we arrived safely. Good news is the area has a large number of watering holes in the area and i intended to explore them thoroughly..

The bad news is Im pretty much next door to Kingston University.. bloody students everywhere! Would want to run them all down.. if I had a car of course.

My new housemates are an interesting bunch. A big, squared jawed blond haired guy who looks like a rugger bugger to me - he's moving pretty soon so theres no loss there. However the rest of them are a pretty decent bunch: a French guy called J-T with the most booming laugh you will ever here, Mike - an American guy with the same pearly whites and playboy smile of Zac and an 18 year old called Claire who is enough to bring the Sid James out in me! I've forgotten how difficult it is to have a coherent conversation with a slim, toned, athletic girl wearing very little (eyes mist over wistfully)..

hahahahahah!


Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Articles du jour......

1. Really not as glamorous as the US Version... looks like a bunch of scumbags to me!

Click
here...

2. Intellectual commentary on the Governor of California.. plus moo-vie stills..

Enjoy!