World of Bile

Thoughts, pics and links from me to you.. Read on...

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Location: London, United Kingdom

I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Was chatting to Dave last night. And as always he had a tale to make my day:

He is a charming guy, I always envy the way the ladeez warm to him. One evening he was out on the town and turned on the charisma, getting a girl's number with little difficulty - let's call her Lucy ('it was almost too easy' he told me...if only I had such problems???).

Dave never received a follow up text but thought little about it. However, looking through his phone he soon found the reason why:

A message destinated for a mate was sent instead to Lucy in error:

"Hello fatso. What games are good for the Nintendo DS? Innit Man. Cheers cu**y"

Dave saw the funny side: I reckon he's lost his chances with that one somewhat.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Bye bye Olivia!

One of my close buddies is packing her bags to go travelling abroad in the next couple of days.

Forgive me if I get all misty eyed about the prospect 0f it but Liv is off to New Zealand for a year to work. My pocket size mate who swears like a navvie with PMT won't be seen till the end of 2007... bummer that...

We consumed large amounts of alcohol on the occasion surrounded by what seemed like countless Dawkins and Packer relatives in evidence. Tom has changed his look over the last year; the slightly portly beer boy has been replaced by a spiky haired, high cheekboned extra out of the movie Aeon Flux (less the poncy eye make-up let me heavily point out)

Tom P or Mr Aeon Flux?

Guildford seems increasingly less of a place where I want to visit. Come Saturday evening it resembles the setting of a Guiness Ad; well lit wooden interiors, winsome boys and girls partaking sensibly of the local brew. It's a place of memories now: Tom's motormouth getting him in trouble with a bunch of local chavs in November of 2003 and other nights out on the town from 1995 near enough up untill the present day. After a couple of sharpeners in the Tup we stumbled en masse down to the Kings Head for more of the same before winding kicking out time. Just like old times I caught a cab to crash round at Tom's place in Farncombe where he fells asleep on the couch as he always does. I guess some things will never change.

The journey back to Toms pad was like countless before: a taxi driver who talked total bullsh*t about his house and what he was getting done to it. 'My mate said I can only give you an 85% discount for the work' he told us, queue much drunken elbowing from TP in his amused, drunken state. The evil, human silage fart he then produced was like a cherry on the top of an already memorable evening.

On a slightly more thoughtful note, Liv has a friend who has lost her mum after a long illness. My heart really goes out to her as noone deserves to lose a parent at such a young age.

Sometimes life really isnt fair is it?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Im Ciaoing again..

Watched 'Donnie Darko' on DVD the other day - fascinating film to be sure.

My writing still lacks a real fluency in my own mind, but here it is anyway.

I watched this on video a couple of years ago and REALLY didn't get it. To say it went over my head is an understatement: I spent weeks scratching my head in bewilderment thinking ‘What the hell was THAT about?’

Still, help is at hand with the Donnie Darko Directors Cut double DVD set: a hefty package that the fanboys and girls will drool over. With the real cult movies you tend to get a whole load of extra goodies and DD is no different. The only gripe I could have about this set is the analysis is a little too deep, for instance the B-roll of shooting quite honestly made my eyes glaze over.. there are only so many shots of ‘genius at work’ you can take without falling asleep isn’t there? Despite this you do get some genuinely interesting stuff: DD inspired an urban art exhibition in London and you get a short film a film about that. Plus a sneak peak at some of Donnie Darko’s biggest UK fans, assorted movie beard-strokers and pale anaemic looking movie buffs who look like they spend more time inside a movie theatre than out. The rest of it is pretty standard fayre, cast and crew eulogising about each other, the director, the shoot etc – but they always do don’t they? To be honest, I gave the shooting documentary a miss, one for the real afficianados I reckon.

The promo selection is as equally generous – trailers and TV slots which are pretty similar; dark and kind of enigmatic. The pun on the US trailer sums it up well [not spoiling too much here]: ‘DARK..DARKER..DARKO..’ Geddit?? You also get the full music video for ‘Mad World’: a song which drove me to the verge of despair during its’ UK airplay a couple of years back. Still, you remember the tenderness and poignancy of the tune and it complements the rest of the set well. Batched in with the promo stuff are the two ‘Cunning Visions’ excerpts that feature in the film, something that only the infatuated will have just a fleeting interest in. For me, the mother lode of the bonus disc is the additional scenes: 20 minutes or so purged from the original release for the sake length. The director’s vision is clearly laid out leaving little to ponder over.. but where’s the fun in that? Once again: one for the cult fans to rub their sweaty palms together in anticipation of.

Now the film itself is a real treat. Director Richard Kelly ropes in a buddy for the commentary: Kevin Smith of Clerks fame and this is much more satisfying than listening to the guy rabbitting (ahem) on alone in the additional scenes. What we have here is a teen film with a twist: in early scenes you meet the Darko tribe in spirited dinner table conversation – more ‘Married With Children’ than what later transpires. Donnie is a troubled teen, he feels alone and confused with life despite a loving, middle class upbringing. The twist comes in the form of a 6 foot tall bloke in a bunny rabbit costume called Frank who tells Donnie the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours 42 minutes and 12 seconds. In a way it brought the James Stewart film ‘Harvey’ to mind: enigmatic, playful spirit meddles in life of troubled but cherised society outsider. In a most general sense DD plays as a rights of passage movie: ‘Frank’ sets the hero a number of ‘tasks’ which he needs to complete in order to achieve redemption and a happy ending (‘tasks’, ‘redemption’ and ‘happy ending’ I use in the loosest of terms). To try to tell you any more without giving the games away would do the movie a huge disservice.
For a first time effort he has attracted a pretty stellar cast in this movie: Jake Gyllenhaal plays the eponymous Donnie, and plays him superbly. You just cannot pigeonhole this movie into any genre, it spans moments of teen comedy, sci-fi, profound spirituality and outright creepiness with Gyllenhaal playing his role note perfectly throughout. The hero gets about 90% screen time but is well supported by an ensemble cast: Drew Barrymore as sizzling English teacher babe and Katherine Ross as Donnie’s pyschiatrist star for me. Patrick Swayze plays his cameo as inspirational self-improvement guru with a whiff of snake oil salesman about it – like the whole cast he plays the nuances of his character extremely well. Kelly has selected a very apt soundtrack that was obviously influenced by his youth; a mix of 80s tunes chocked full of brooding references to Donnie and his plight. Of course the Tears for Fears cover ‘Mad World’ stands out: a song which nearly drove me to arson and other acts of vandalism due to its constant airplay at Xmas ’03.

To conclude: watching this film will elicit one of two reactions, either bewilderment or complete fascination. Richard Kelly’s director’s cut has filled in some of the holes so dunces like me understand the story, plus some bonus trimmings for the real enthusiast to immerse themselves in. He’s still maintained enough mystery to keep audiences guessing and for me that is the hallmark of a great director. Are we talking sci-fi here or religious allegory? Why does ‘Frank’ sound like mental computer HAL9000 out of 2001 (one of the more sinister touches of the film, that)? Is everything just one waking hallucination for Donnie? Like a good David Lynch production Kelly here raises the fundamental question ‘What does this all MEAN?’ and for me that is what cinema is all about. If your bag is the latest Star Wars prequel you’ll find this movie lacking of the zing cutting edge special effects you’d require. However if you prefer something a bit more thought provoking and profound , this hits the nail on the head.

As Kevin Smith rightly states in the commentary: Kelly will probably get slated by fans for future projects as they’re ‘not like Donnie Darko’. He’s directed such a cracking debut it’s only natural great things will be expected for him.

No pressure eh?


Friday, November 17, 2006

Not many things piss me off but..

Now I'm a very calm, almost placid kind of guy. This has benefits and its' disadvantages but that's a story for another day. After hearing about the above I was spitting with rage.

Typical. Absolutely f**king typical..

Is the game of football really that important? Are people really that gutless? Do people really live such unfulfilling lives that they want to send death threats to players of an opposing team? Racism? Coin throwing? Referees portrayed as being as evil as Sadam Hussein? I have some news that may shock some: IT.. IS...A..GAME. Now if a bunch of terrorists decided to blow up a hospital (I pluck that as an example off the top of my head) I might be a little more inclined for retribution..

Punishment should be: find the guilty, throw them in the home end with Royals fans and allow them to beat the living sh*t out of them.

Morons..absolute morons..

Rant over.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Post Number 50 already!

Was reading one of those 'aint life weird?' type articles yesterday when something caught my eye:

It was the winner of The World's Ugliest competition. And frankly only his mother would love him.


His name was Sam, and he was three times winner of the title (2003-5) before passing away this year. That makes him pretty damn ugly doesnt it? Testament for Winalot he isnt...

Now I saw this picture and it reminded me of something. Wispy fur? Clouded eyes? Dirty, mismatched fangs? Why it's the demon with the giraffe neck out of the Evil Dead movie isn't it?


Any thoughts?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Movie review ahoy!

Jak sie masz! Think thats how you spell it.. Me, Patch and Dave paid a visit to our local metroplex to see the film starring the guy above. I can safely say I enjoyed every moment of it - crude, sexist, dark and extremely funny - when was the last time you saw a comedy where the whole audience was screaming with laughter throughout??
Alot of the film is apparently ad libbed, this makes me admire the guy even more. For instance he gives a speech at a rodeo in front of several hundred red-necks. They respond with polite cheers at the start, dissolving to looks of astonishment and booing by the end... You just think 'how can he say stuff like that without bursting into a fit of hysterics?' throughout the whole film.

It's reminiscent of the time, many years ago when I saw the South Park movie at the cinema. Puerile, racist, sexist, something any right thinking adult would be repelled by, but oh so very, very funny!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Alex meets Stephen King.. sort of..

Words cannot express the extend of a good time I had on Tuesday evening..


When I fathom how the f**k I send the blurry pics and muffled audio from fone to my blog I will do. In the meantime I hope my prose will be adequate..

The evening's venue was one of those three thousand person arenas where multinational companies send their employees to get drunk at Christmas. Difference being it is nestled in the middle of Battersea Park. It makes you wonder, the kind of boozy shenanighans that must go on come xmas time - plenty of bushes and green spaces to frollick in, oh yes...

It was kind of like a jazz club vibe - very dark, small spotlights suspended from the ceiling and The Girl from Ipanema piped through the speakers. We took our seats after 20 minutes smoking in the car park, sitting in hushed silence for the great man to mount the stage. The fanfare was understated: 'Ladies and Gentleman: Stephen King' and he meandered onto the stage to great acclaim. First impressions? He hobbled onto the stage wearing red T-shirt and jeans, a frail middle aged man attached to a moderate potbelly, raising his outstretched palms in a friendly gesture to the adulant crowd. The interview lasted some 40 minutes or so, King's face projected onto the large screens to the left and right of the stage like 'An Evening With Max Headroom' or something. In the flesh he is not as imposing as the pics on the sleeves of his books. He looks like a favourite uncle or grandfather, a man with a colourful past, a fiery intellect and a cracking sense of humour. I reckon he'd make superb drinking company... ironic as he hasnt touched the sauce for many years now..
King is a charming, funny guy. I am biased, but me and several thousand people sat in rapt silence as he held court. The interviewer did his best to spoil the interview with some extremely irrelevant questions e.g. 'Are you pro choice?' [WTF?]. Still I could have listened to the man for hours. The stock of one liners he saved for the occasion were delivered to the faithful with great panache:
[On George Bush and delivered in a Southern drawl] 'He is head of Nascar nation: they should make a statue of him with a beer in one hand a large hat in the other'.
[On Kubrick's version of 'The Shining'] 'You can frost a turd.. it doesnt make it a twinkie'. [It's amazing to think how crap the version of 'The Shining' he did attach his name to].
The chapter reading of his new book Lisey's Story came next [plug, plug, plug]. And to be frank it really doesn't sound like my bag - no alien clowns with sharp teeth, rabid dogs or haunted hotels. Still, the bloke radiated enough presence and charisma to keep the whole arena hanging on his every word...
The two hours flew by much quicker than I hoped for. The asshole interviewer ended with Q&A from the audience before signing several thousand new copies of his new book for the faithful - a queue which snaked along the length of the building. My thoughts on this were 'You poor bastard'...
Still he's made a few quid out of writing so it really can't be that bad eh?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I had a cracking weekend... thanks for asking...

Was at 'Quins again and the actually managed to win... 34-19!

I had another, slightly more unusual 'assignment' after, as security at a kiddies firework display. The display ended a little prematurely, one errant firework hit a tree and set fire to it! Cue much bewilderment, running around like headless chickens and arrival of the fire brigade..

Ha ha ha..

Went to visit Astrid in the boonies of deepest darkest Dorking. We drank gallons of wine, lavished attention on Jock and enjoyed the late Autumn sunshine.

There is something about that specific breed of dogs that I adore now: the squat pudgy body, bemused, butt ugly expression. Jock even sounds like an asthmatic steam engine when he runs about, gob wide open like combine harvester scooping all in its path into a gaping maw.

On another subject, now I got my spiffy Star Trek phone I'm gonna try importing pics from that instead. In the meantime, here is a photo montage of my weekend.

By for now,


Friday, November 03, 2006

Friday feeling.

Or not.

Just been getting over the flu. Two days of lemsip, lying around and listening to Radio 2.. its enough to drive you batshit really isn't it?

You'll be glad to know I'm cured, the nausea and aching limbs have been replaced by a galloping cold and I sound like one of the Flowerpot Men. Once again I have become more acquainted with the works of Hollywood - I watched two films which I really enjoyed... and here they are..

I do have a life, honest...

V for Vendetta:

Now I really enjoyed this. You know that anything done by those blokes who did The Matrix films is gonna be very interesting. Its based on a comic called, funnily enough V for Vendetta. It's interesting to think how superheroes and heroines have changed now the clean cut muscle men with kiss curls and athletic women with big titties are not popular now. Our role models all have a darker side to them now - even James Bond has issues and I find that pretty sad. In the mould of tormented burnt dude in fancy dress we've now got V, voiced by Hugo Weaving. Interesting idea: take a well known English icon, give him martial arts skills and a penchant for explosives et voila! I guess it wouldnt be as convincing with Paddington Bear would it? However it would be more interesting I think...
Now I was really suprised how much I enjoyed this film: Kevin Spacey perhaps plays an Alien in this gentle mystery with comedic leanings. I didn't realise what a cracking actor the guy actually is - he plays the alien/mentally ill role perfectly with just a hint of sadness and a touch of humour too. Jeff Bridges too - the guy is one of the greatest understated actors out at the moment.

Two films you gotta check out.. unexpected pleasures both.....