World of Bile

Full circle..

2009-08-24T19:33:00.001Z

A new life.. a new start.. a new blog

Cheers,

Alex

Pics of our US trip (June-July 2009) PART 1

2009-07-12T19:41:00.010Z

Many pounds lighter in the bank account. A few heavier around the waist. Here are some pics.

Entrance to the Oklahoma City Monument

Enormous American flags everywhere in Oklahoma City. Propoganda attesting to the majesty of the American Way.

Austin (TX)'s finest chocolate provider apparently. I won't forget the name in a hurry, either.

A 50 foot tall bottle that greets people coming to visit 'Pops' in Arcadia, OK. After dark it glows with vibrant red neon: a sight I would dearly love to see.

Questionable lorry sticker, had to take a picture. Out of focus due to the speed we were driving. They believe this kind of thing over there, seriously!

A mural on the side of a tire fitting showroom in Edmond, OK. Taking whilst filling up (stomachs) at Arby's drive thru.

Prostitution in Mid Texas is a little blatant, isnt it?

More to come soon,

Alex

So long.. nearly..

2009-05-29T18:37:00.003Z

Last but one post here. Putting virtual pen to paper is becoming a real chore. Will be spending some of my hard earned cash on a bitchin' camera and set up a daily photo journal on blipfoto.com.

There will be a link to follow...

Thanks to anyone who has read this blog in the past (gasp) nearly 3 years (???!!)

Cheerio,

Alex

George Bush - "Imagine"

2009-05-06T05:01:00.001Z

Im off to buy some facemasks wholesale.. make a killing (!?)

2009-04-29T18:47:00.006Z

If you haven’t just crawled out from under a rock you will have seen that parts of the world are a little under the weather at the moment.

According to my favourite info grazing source wikipedia, swine flu is prevalent in pigs (obviously). It can spread to people who work in close proximity to them, however it is unusual for the virus to pass from human to human… until now of course..

The thing that stuns me is the amount of fear-mongering in the press. The Metro newspaper headline this morning was along the lines of ‘Swine Flu ‘could strike millions’’ whilst the London Paper chimed in with ‘flu virus ‘already in city’’ or thereabouts. Now its only early days, but doesn’t that sound like sick sensationalism of the lowest order? Throw in today's front page for one of the red tops: 'Big Brother Babes in Flu Scare' - a perfect combo of titilation and fearmongering. Of course, once you’ve worriedly snatched up your copy, the second part of the deadly one-two punch is dealt. The message is clear: 'we’ve scared the sh*t out of you so here’s a bit of light relief: check out the wacky styles you can wear over your mouth and nose whilst this scourge overruns us'.. which it will, according to our media.

Bacterial Face Mask Art:
'The Kiddy Range'.

'The Bandito' - Part of the Mexican Revolutionary selection.

'The Charlie Brown'

So whats gonna happen? Well, according to a report gleefully trumpeted by the above Metro – we’re gonna suffer ‘in the autumn’, which is about as definitive as saying ‘we’re gonna have a hot summer this year’. I.e. the grounds on which we are making the prediction are flimsy.. but we’re gonna make a pronouncement anyway.’ Don't think we'll be hiding in our houses and sterilising everything myself, but if you start seeing bacterial masks on commuter faces on The Tube, there's gonna be problems..

Alex

Bill Clinton and voodoo doll commercial..

2009-04-26T18:33:00.001Z

Made me chortle...

Watership Down (1978)

2009-04-14T16:45:00.002Z

Hi Mark et al,

Sorry it'd been so long in coming. Here's my latest post, cribbed from my writings on ciao.co.uk. By the way, in case you're interested, my Jade Goody opinion is ranked #1 on the topic of the month listings.. pretty good, huh?

Hope your Easter was a pleasure and the chocolate consumption wasnt too great. I'm off to have a nibble now, as it goes..

Watership Down (1978)
93 minutes
Dir: Matin Rosen
Voices: John Hurt, Richard Briers, Michael Graham Cox, Ralph Richardson

The book of this provided one of my fondest memories of school. Fourth year English with Mr Doyle: he introduced us to Shakespeare which I REALLY couldn’t get my head around. However, Watership Down was another matter: a story about rabbits escaping from their warren, suffering hardship on their travels and finally arriving in their new home. Kind of a Moses theme: vision inspired, charismatic leader leads his acolytes through trials and tribulations in the wilderness. But: we’re talking rabbits here(!!??) They have their own personalities, society and belief system and Richard Adams portrays them with a human touch. I’m not talking ‘The Incredible Journey’ or ‘Bambi’ here: we get adversity, death and the noble struggle for your fellow rabbit – a perfect mix of bittersweet sentiment that fired up my teenage mind. I devoured the novel from cover to cover in about two weeks and savoured every word.

The book garnered countless awards when published 1972 after been rejected on 13 separate occasions previously. Its’ appeal has continued; thirty years on it was voted the 42nd greatest film of all time in the BBCs Big Read poll, an indicator the esteem in which it continues to be held.

Of course, the animated film released in 1978 has added to the appeal. To fit everything into an hour and a half running time the novel's story is abridged, however the elements remain faithful to its’ sophisticated themes. The action opens with the heroes of the story: a pair of brother rabbits named Hazel (voiced by John Hurt) and Fiver (Richard Briers). The latter often has troubling visions and during one particularly claret sunset sees a flood of blood overwhelming the burrow. He convinces Hazel to take him to see the Chief Rabbit (Sir Ralph Richardson) to discuss plans for fleeing from this perceived threat. The Chief turns them down, so they flee – barely eluding the Owsla – the warren’s militia, taking two of their number with them (Bigwig and Silver). Fiver’s vision promises a new place to settle – somewhere high and with a view of the surrounding countryside, and this turns out to be Watership Down: a hill he spies from afar. However, once they arrive it seems like a hollow victory. Hazel and his troop have no does amongst their number. No does, means no kits which means the new burrow will die out…

So the search begins for females to join the group. Hazel leads an unsuccessful effort to free some captured white rabbits from the local Nuthanger farm – being nearly mauled by a cat and shot by a farmer in the process. The group also hears about a local warren called Efrafa, which disgruntled rabbits wish to leave, and one of their number joins the Owsla there to bring them away. This leads to the gruesome finale: the Efrafans, under their vicious leader named General Woundwort (voiced by the wonderfully gruff and menacing Harry Andrews) the escape is discovered. Only with the help of a seagull that Hazel befriended, do Bigwig and the escapees manage to elude their Efrafan pursuers. However, Woundwort and his Owsla reach the Watership Down warren, our heroes barricade themselves in – the General has a horrific showdown with Bigwig and Hazel comes up with a solution when all seems lost…I’m not going to give away the ending, check it out…

What I Think:

Lets face it. The animation isn’t the greatest at times. The colours are muted and the rabbits do not overly detailed. The quality is similar to the animated series ‘Animals of Farthing Wood’.. a little too similar fact. I challenge you to watch the latter and then watch the former soon after, after the sweet twee-ness of the children’s series, witnessing one cartoon rabbit ripping the throat off another is a shock. Bigwig’s near asphyxiation on a snare while his friends stand around near powerless to help is another moment which sticks in the mind. I make no bones of it: this film has some very nasty moments that will traumatise the little ones who might watch. The dimension of society and folklore is a wonderful addition which is faithfully transposed from the book. The rabbits have a creator (named Frith), a mythological trickster hero (El-ahrairah) and a canon of legends they quote from time to time. The first scene of the movie is one of these; a story of the First Time how the ‘rabbit race’ came to its precarious position in nature – an exquisitely, almost aborginal influenced scene directed by John Hubley. The ephemoral Black Rabbit of Inle (the bunny Grim Reaper – voiced by the wonderfully melifluous Joss Ackland) also makes an appearance as a hazy lupine shade with glowing eyes. More Frank the Rabbit out of Donnie Darko (~) than kiddy cartoon fayre. Fiver’s visions have an equally unsettling quality about them: something striking which stay in the mind long after viewing. The handful of scenes mentioned here alone make you realise you are watching something a little beyond the ordinary.
The vocal talent on show is something special. A plethora of classically trained actors illustrate that this film is certainly one for the grownups. John Hurt is a star of classical productions, and weighty, intelligent movies and he is just approaching his career high point here (two Oscar nominations to come). His Hazel has a voice of quiet, calm dignity that only John Hurt can suffuse into a role. Richard Briers provides Fiver’s edgy, dreamy little voice which also suits well. Overall the vocal roles are not overplayed, the bunnies are voiced by seasoned stage actors who do not ham it up. We have no high pitched squeaky little rabbits or villainous critters voiced by the likes of wannabee heavies like Craig Fairbrass (#). The exemption is Kehaar, the abrasive seagull rescued by Hazel who helps the warren during their time of need. Here we find the comic relief: a seabird who only speaks pidgin (ahem) English voiced by Zero Mostel, a guy who was like a 1940s Rodney Dangerfield – a pleasing interlude amongst all the Shakespearing luvvies, I’ll have you know…
The soundtrack is of equal pedigree. The first pieces were written by Malcolm Williamson, Master of The Queens Music from 1975 to 2003. The story goes that he became unavailable after writing two movements of the score a fortnight before the completion date. Angela Morley came in and completed the remainder of original material in ten days! Of course the highlight is the Art Garfunkel sung ‘Bright Eyes’ will have you bawling for the tissues every single time. As a tear-jerker it is hard to beat - makes ‘Candle in The Wind’ sounded cliched and insipid by comparison.

In short. This film is a bit special, despite looking like a bland children's cartoon. The adults will be intrigued by the full and involving life the rabbits lead, against the lovingly painted backdrops depicting the Berkshire countryside. It broke the mould for animated film and has been emulated many times since, but never remotely equalled in its’ genre. In 1999 a cartoon series of the same name appeared, colourful and even more cartoonlike but uninspiring in comparison - here's a snippet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahHkXCZCLuM&feature=related

... Sounds like it’s voiced by a cast of children’s television presenters, I reckon..

Watership Down is available from all good retailers. Amazon currently sells it for about £4, or alternatively you can watch the whole movie on youtube.

(#) Former Eastender: normally renowned for clichéd hoodlum roles.
(~) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246578/

Snatch Wars (Snatch Vs Star Wars)

2009-04-12T23:04:00.001Z

A movie about the life of Jade Goody?

2009-04-03T16:22:00.002Z

Hello Mark (et al)

Hope you're well. I'm writing this Friday afternoon after work whilst savouring a beer. Won't be going out tonight as I've been busy of late, need an early night and need to recharge. Some slightly worrying news: the gym I work at part time (I won't name it here) has gone into administration, had to close two stores and arrange emergency funding (wtf?!!). Received a voicemail from the operations manager, a really nice guy called John assuring me my job was safe and nothing had changed. Working in the public sector four days a week, I feel relatively secure. However my colleagues are rightfully spooked.. and I can really understand why. We're safe.. but for how long??? As the economy deteriorates further - will I be out on my ear?

Anyway, my fellow office drones had a heavy social night Thursday. Most came shambolling in this morning looking like extras out of 'Dawn of the Dead': y'know, pallid, jerky movements and moaning slightly. Can't overindulge on a schoolnight myself now - it's effort enough to lie in bed mewling whilst I sweat it off. Getting into the office with a hangover takes more willpower than I have nowadays..

A Ciao review for you. Inspired by this:

FIRSTLY:

For someone to die during the prime of their life is a tragedy. Hundreds of people suffer from terminal illness every year, affect countless loved ones who care for them and are bereaved afterwards. My sympathy would especially go out to all the children who have prematurely lost a parent, it must be a tremendous psychological torment one could not remotely imagine.

Took a while chewing over what I felt was wrong with all the news coverage of Jade Goody in the last year. I found seeing her bald bonce shining out from countless magazine covers distasteful and wasn’t exactly sure why. Initially I thought it was Goody herself: touting herself out as her condition deteriorated, expression her hopes and fears and even appearing on her own television show on Living TV. ‘This is unseemly’ I thought: most people deal with these issues privately, my grandmother carried on looking after her mother up till the end, she just dealt with it. Kylie Minouge had a brush with cancer in 2006, appearing gaunt but smiling in the papers. She was praised to the skies in the papers for being “brave”, but we heard little about what went on. The argument that Jade Goody focused people’s attention on cancer is correct, as other public figures have. However, to elevate her because of this misses the point: the likes of Jane Tomlinson tirelessly promoted cancer charities and was an inspiration to millions. Was Ms Goody such an inspiration in her warts and all final tabloid revelations? The point of her public efforts for Tomlinson was to get a message across, and hopefully save lives. The condition itself was an intimate matter and we admired her for getting on with it. My own personal reservoir of goodwill wasn’t as deep for Miss Goody, just as she had during healthier times, she sucked at the media teat when life wasn’t running to plan. A wonderful luxury to have, that. Getting married? Exclusive rights to ‘Hello’ magazine and 200k in the bank. First Child? How about one of those magazine covers where you smilingly ‘present’ your little one to the world for a fee. Tormented by the horrors of former drug use? Air your dirty laundry and make your bank balance a little fatter. We’d always wanted a piece of her life before and whilst she was unwell it was no different.

However, the fact her face has been everywhere in the last couple of years is not her fault. Nor is the fact that the media plan to elevate her further in death, either. Her 15 minutes of fame fell into her lap and she did well to stay in the fickle public eye being as unremarkable as she was. Other 'reality stars' sank without a trace but Goody remained in the public eye for several years, a lifetime in our fickle cultural consciousness. Goody made some downright stupid and offensive comments to prove that she was an ordinary woman, yet she continued to be plastered all over the tabs and the magazines. It the final days her exploits were absolutely undignified, but what would you expect from someone who lived their life in the glare of public attention. Squeezing every penny out of her public appeal could be seen as avarice, but also as a mother’s final efforts to provide for her children. Personally I think it was a little bit of both… How it will affect them in the years to come is a different issue. Their mother has been public property for all their lives and has polarised public opinion unlike pretty much any public figure – surely this will have lasting repercussions for them too??

A movie ‘celebrating’ (ahem) her life is an expected progression of this, along with the planned Bermondsey statue and The Sun newspaper’s ‘Jade’s Rose’. When public figures pass away before their time they get a free pass to adoration (Princess Diana, JFK) or notoriety (Jim Robinson) so Jade Goody will be no different. However, if such a film comes to pass it will be a barometer of how obsessed with triviality we have become. Throughout history we have been infatuated with the Great and the Good; put up statues and created other lasting memorials to commemorate their deeds. When a materialistic girl with minimal distinguishing qualities from South East London gets the same ‘hero’ treatment – how does that reflect on us culturally as a people? Do we have so few significant people left that we are looking to commemorate the life of a ‘reality TV’ star? I think it’s a sad state of affairs if we do.. What next – will she be studied in school????

I could see that happening eventually, too..

'If I'm not mee.. den who da hell am I?'

2009-03-24T17:39:00.001Z

Mark (et al),

A review of a film that used to be very close to my heart:

Total Recall (1990)
113 mins
Director: Paul Verhoeven
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone, Rachel Ticotin, Ronnie Cox, Michael Ironside.
Ah, the memories..
On the morning of my 15th birthday, I received this on video as a gift from my parents and I was thrilled. Over the previous couple of years, me and my friends had been introduced to the likes of everything from The Terminator to Twins. We loved the one liners, our imaginations were fired by the violence and our burgeoning ideas of masculinity were coloured by Arnie and his movies. I even took pleasure in having a haircut like him and a padded lumberjack similar to what he wears in Total Recall..except I doubt HIS had padding in it, of course…
Anyway, I digress. Totall Recall is a film which features towards the end of Arnie’s 80s hot streak of Box Office success. Terminator 2 followed, then a string of soulless big budget turkeys like Last Action Hero and True Lies which effectively torpedoed his megastardom for good. With hindsight you could say he reflected American sensibilities about their place in the world at the time: invulnerable and righteous. When he started playing roles with frailties in them, Arnie became yesterday’s news.
THE STORY
(the start of it):
Being based on a Phillip K Dick short story titled ‘We Can Remember It For You Wholesale’ (the bloke who wrote ‘Bladerunner’) you can be sure the plot isn’t going to be simple. Unlike the typical Schwarzenegger premise of:
(a) Arnie is looking for something.
(b) Arnie kills everyone who gets in his way
‘Total Recall’ is a lot more labyrinthine. The year is 2020. Arnie plays Douglas Hauser, a construction worker who has little in his life besides his job, his buddies and a very hot wife (a break out role for Sharon Stone). He dreams of something more and discovers a company called Rekall, a company who specialise in selling implanted memories. These can be memories of a holiday never taken, or something more fantastic like being a secret agent on Mars. Trying to escape the mundane, our hero opts for the latter. However there can be a cost: Quaid is warned implantation can be a risky process, as failure can result in unconscious trauma and clients being lobotomised, but he goes on with the procedure anyway.
However, things do not go to plan. Halfway through the implantation, Hauser lashes out – shouting about people trying to kill him before the doctors barely manage to sedate him. It seems Hauser is acting out the spy portion of his memory – however as it hasn’t been implanted yet.. that isn’t the case! Hauser IS a spy but isn’t aware of it; someone powerful erased his memories erased and Rekall uncovered them. So, Hauser’s mind is tidied up, and the doctors bundle him into a cab home. Unaware of his trip, he bumps into some of his work buddies who are aware of what has transpired. They turn on him, but he ends up slaughtering them with his bare hands. And so it continues, Hauser’s hot wife turns on him, he does a runner to Mars and gets involved with the Resistance there. The man on the run theme develops from there, Arnie’s character fights through great adversity – and wins out in the end, of course.
Being based on a Phillip K Dick story, the plot takes many twists and turns which I can’t do justice to here, a lot of ‘what happened but the focus is on our hero – is he workaday construction worker Doug Hauser who is in the process of falling apart or secret (double?) agent Doug Quaid whose deeds will affect the destiny of a people? Is our hero fighting a shadowy organisation bent on destroying him and keeping something hidden, or is his mind just falling apart?
WHAT I THINK:

This is a departure from the usual for Arnie. Of course Total Recall still depicts him as being a human extension of the weapons he wield. He maims and incapacitates his foes with the same finesse as the guns and sharp edged weapons do. The film is violent and bloody, with visual effects some will find unnecessarily grotesque (example: Michael Ironside’s demise on the lift near the climax of the movie). Schwarzenegger gurns like a horse and mangles his lines with his usual effectiveness, the wisecracks are there in abundance, and they’re pretty good wisecracks too. The thing that used to get me in stitches is the fact that someone can be so witty in what is patently NOT their native language. Granted, the rest of the cast get some pretty punchy stuff to say, but are we SERIOUSLY expected to believe our hero is an Austrian Oscar Wilde, delivering death and dismemberment with a pithy comeback?? It's all pretty laughable. Acting wise we aren’t talking about Hauser being cool and collected under pressure, he is no Cary Grant in North By Northwest: our hero has feelings of doubt, pain and fear which Arnie emotes surprisingly well.. for Arnie. Of course a shop mannequin could match him for acting chops most of the time, so really isnt saying much. The prosthetics and special affects take this movie well into fantasy territory compared to the conventional guns n’ gore of the genre – in fact Total Recall won the Oscar for visual effects in 1991. Nonetheless the film now has a very dated look about it, the near(ish) future shown here has a similar look to Blade Runner (1982) another Phillip K Dick story, the story is equally enigmatic.
The cast has an alpha male (and female) quality you’d expect from an Arnie film. Sharon Stone stands out as the blonde and beautiful Lori, Hauser’s wife (or is she really what she seems?) – full of sweet, velvety words but a match in combat for any man. Rachel Ticotin plays Melina (laughably pronounced ‘MelEEna’ by our hero), a feisty brunette involved with the Resistance who Hauser falls in love with (as Quaid did before him?). Ronnie Cox and Michael Ironside line up as the villains and are suitably stern and vicious. Ironside plays Richter, unique in the action movie genre for being a psychopathic goon with a haircut like Terry Nutkins.
Being a Jerry Goldsmith score the soundtrack is as surging and epic as you’d expect. During the pivotal scenes of the movie you can almost visualise the 50 piece orchestra playing, generating the suspense on such a scale that a conventional soundtrack would not be able to match. Suprisingly he was nominated eighteen times for an Oscar during his career (winning just once) – Total Recall didn’t get him into consideration. Paul Verhoeven is renowned for his glossy and violent movies and Total Recall is a prime example. The violence is very frequent and has a comic book quality to it: innocent bystanders are mown down with high calibre weaponry like an afterthought and the action continues unabated. However the multifaceted story will keep viewers on their toes. Take away the guns, the girls and the gore and the suspense will keep you interested. Total Recall is essentially ‘a man on the run’ film in the vein of ‘The Fugutive’: fast paced with many unexpected plot turns. If you can disregard the adolescent violence and the cheesy dialogue – you might enjoy this one.

You know you're a proper grown up when...

2009-03-18T18:58:00.007Z

..the girl at the checkout in Sainsbury's asks if you want 'Vouchers for Schools' without hesitation. Gave me something to ponder on this evening..

Let's face it. Im not the moon faced cherub I used to be. I can no longer delude myself that the light areas of hair on my temples are due to a reflection of the sunshine. My mane of black Irish hair is finer and slowly being supplanted by flecks of grey, the laughter lines round the eyes are more defined. My salad days have passed me by..

Does this worry me? Not particularly. On the morning of January 12th 2007 I awoke on my 30th birthday. Stumbling into the bathroom, the red eyed golem who greeted me from behind the mirror wasnt a pretty sight: red flecked eyes, swollen tongue and cavernous, gaping nostrils: I thought my life was over. 364 days later I drank sensibly and got an early night so my reflection on birthday morn was much more amenable. See, it aint that bad not being in the fullest flush of youth anymore, had my existential crisis that hungover morning in Jan of oh-seven. I've started the next chapter of my life now and the excesses are but a dim memory. Next weekend will by my first children's party (Xander turns four on March 31st) and I'm looking forward to it with a mixture of dread and real interest. Will the little angels leave the house standing when they leave or will total chaos break out?

Will keep you posted.

Alex

A shrine to the bloke out of T-Rex (??!!)

2009-03-13T20:39:00.006Z

Hello Mark, et al.

So I was on the mean streets of Barnes the other day.. walking along and minding my own business..

Imagine my surprise when I came across this:

The story goes that glam rocker Marc Bolan came to a sticky end driving his mini down this road and into a tree back in 1977. Die hard fans (aka the T-Rex Action Group aka TAG) came together a decade ago and put this statue up (L)! Looks like something out of Highgate Cemetery doesnt it? Opposite is a panel of photos, magazine clippings, messages of adoration etc - even a visitors book which hangs unmolested in the top right of the picture. No scrawled graffitti comments about hard drug use here a la Jim Morrison. It's a touching homage to a pop star of times past.

Frankly this amazes me. How does a girly-man long dead rocker with a perm like my Mum used to have inspire so much attention? Secondly: why hasn't this been defaced long ago by local scumbags? There are candles, flowers and pieces of fabric lovingly adorning the site - all absolutely untouched.

Are the local people fundamentally decent sorts who respect the creative outpourings of others- or do they just not know what's on their doorstep?

I hope its the latter..

Alex

I had a dream..

2009-03-11T18:48:00.005Z

Hi Mark, et al

Just wanted to share a recent dream with you. Normally, I don't remember these - but this one stuck with me...

I missed my wedding... People were asking me 'What are you doing? Why arent you at your wedding?' This shocked me: I didnt know I was getting married, I didnt know who to, when or where, and this made me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. A group of people came to where I was staying, supposedly from my bride - I prepared a noble speech for them to justify myself.. and they just ignored it. Made me feel even worse.

After the meeting I checked my mobile phone: Id missed 36 telephone calls from people - probably asking 'Where the hell are you? You are supposed to be getting married?' - one of who was Shane Richie (don't ask me why..)

Felt like I'd let everyone down and I'd been a total heel... What does it mean?

Till Next Time

Alex

Please check this out.. something for the grey matter..

2009-03-11T18:47:00.003Z

Click here.

Alex

A Sunday Roundup

2009-03-08T11:49:00.003Z

Hi Mark (and all),

A brief moment for an update of sorts. Bright sunshine but pretty nippy out, I'm snug and warm inside, watching a small child run around the house for entertainment...Simple pleasures, huh?

Well, hows tricks? Mine are pretty mundane at the moment, enjoyable yes but mundane nonetheless. Nothing much of interest, so will try not to ramble...

Seems like I found a like minded soul with my Rammstein post, they are my artists of the moment but as they sound like their singing about slaughtering young children and drinking their blood in their songs (they're not), other people with disagree. Downloaded Sehnsucht the other day (one of their earlier albums): it sounds like the Pet Shop Boys doing industrial metal - so probably best to give that one to a miss. Apparently a new album is on the way this year, with a tour to come - anyone interested???

The Krav (see my earlier post) has been so much fun. Johnno and myself go up to Tottenham Court road on a Tuesday evening and throttle, kick and punch each other in the name of fitness. Can safely say I havent perspired this much in many years, after two hours Im left sore, starving but very satisfied. Even went as far as investing in one of those punching impact pads which makes a gratifying thwack! when you hit it. Brought it into our office on Friday and gave some of my work colleagues a go - they loved it! For instance, my dainty friend Zoe took great pleasure in giving it a few licks which really made me smile. Stress relief you see, if you're having a bad day, smacking the sh1t out of something always helps.. give it a try..

Work alternates between the humdrum of office existence and being fully challenged in my gym job. I could do my desk job with my arms tied between my back - take my pleasure in having a few laughs with the people I work with. A bloke called Dan is one of these: a guy who is incredibly crude but at the same time side bustingly funny. When was the last time you cried with laughter? Mine was last Friday, c/o Dan. Sensible souls would have been outraged by what he said (hint: it was about something tasting of burgers, cigarettes and beer.. work it out) but I was driven to one of those moment when the vision clouds and you cant breathe due to laboured gasps of mirth. Don't you just love moments like that?? Doesn't happen enough for my liking..

E & X are well. Xander was a lucky boy who got 13 hours sleep last night and woke us up at dawn this morning. I marvelled at how rested he looked, recharged and ready for the day. You ever have mornings like that any more? Wake up with bright, sparkling eyes ready to grab the challenges of the day round the neck and give them a good throttle?

Cheers,
Alex

An Ode to My Favourite German Industrial Metal Band

2009-03-04T17:30:00.003Z

Hi Mark (and everyone)

Dark, powerful and upsetting... and I like it

Yes Rammstein, you might have heard of them.. if not. Let me enlighten you and also tell you why I like 'em. First things first. I am not a heavy music fan. Had the typical adolescent flirtation with some kids have and grow out of. Today I have the typical 30 something musical tastes, Magic FM in the car, easy listening on the stereo: nothing to write home about.

It changed when I was searching for fitness music for my MP3 player…

I go running twice a week in the streets where I live, pounding the pavements in my swanky new trainers with lungs pumping. Its free exercise and puts me into an unassailable frame of mind. I love it. With headphones clamped in ears I can roll up the steepest of hills with no problems. Recently, my soundtrack has been getting a bit stale so was looking for something new to drive me on.

I found it in Rammstein - a band from Berlin. Their thunderous drumming, and synth heavy style has been described as 'dance metal' (???!!), a musical genre I would have steered well clear of in the past. You'll see the videos on youtube if you look, imagine giving the Pet Shop Boys creative control of a heavy metal band and you've got an idea of the look. During the live shows, the band use gothic motifs and have a thing about fire. More than just a thing, they seem to love it.. large tongues of flame shooting into the air over baying, shaven headed crowds…a real industrial madhouse vibe I reckon.. The vocal style of lead singer Tillo Lindemann has been described memorably by critics: my favourite being the New York Times who reported. '"Mr. Lindemann gave off an air of such brute masculinity and barely contained violence that it seemed that he could have reached into the crowd, snatched up a fan, and bitten off his head."

So no bubblegum popcorn records here then…

A major departure from my usual tastes is that Rammstein sing almost exclusively in German, so I can barely understand a word of it! During the occasional foray into English ('Amerika') the result is a barely sensible beer hall sing-a-long [*]. When singing in their native tongue however, the result is totally different. Powerful and guttural - Lindemanns lyrics drip with a dark relish. Someone on the broadcasting site youtube has posted a Rammstein soundtrack onto Leni Refienstahl footage of the 1936 Olympic games and it is a suitable match. Due to its' style and militaristic overtones, the bands music and videos have attracted controversy, both external and self generated. According to their wikipedia entry, Rammstein were linked to the Columbine High School Massacre in 1999 to such an extent (pictures of the perpertrators wearing Rammstein T-shirts were released) that the band felt obliged to release a statement to the press. The Russian authorities claimed the gunmen involved in the 2004 Beslan school hostage crisis listened their music to get fired up. No concrete link has been found, however. The band were taking to court over their video for 'Mein Teil' ('My Part') a dark, comedic take on a cannibal case which hit the German news, also in 2004. It seems this band go out of their way to court controversy, you could argue they are simply enjoying their right of free expression, but some of their output is very close to the knuckle. The video for 'Mein Teil' is case in point: the visuals are incredibly striking. Granted, non German speakers will have no idea what is going on, but some dude wearing some white fabric shorts doing a Homer Simpson on the ground then chewing on an angel doesn't leave the mind in a hurry [#]..

CONCLUSION:
Rammstein's music is not for the faint of heart or the judgemental, it is by turns powerful, operatic and downright menacing. The videos are equally disconcerting, nightmarish at times, but also funny and suprisingly well observed. This might look like twisted stuff but it also has a sense of discernment which similar output from our American cousins does not.

However it does have a place. When I'm in the gym or out running, their tunes make me feel unstoppable. The lead singer's malevolent, resoundingly powerful voice and the soaring Wagnerian chorals will make the heart beat quicker. It IS in German [name the other famous German who's oratorial skills you may have heard?] so closed minds will make judgement. But it REALLY hits the spot for me.

DISCOGRAPHY:

Herzeleid (1995)
Sehnsucht (1997)
Mutter (2001)
Reise, Reise (2004)
Rosenrot (2006)
One more to come in 2009.

LIVE ALBUMS:

Live Aus Berlin (1999)
Volkerball (2006)

[*] http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=3T7Hfx7NmBI&feature=related

[#] http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=QYsRCp6vWCw

Photo Update: March 1

2009-03-01T18:47:00.006Z

Hi Mark and everyone,

Some more pics taken by my trusted N95:

Canada? Switzerland? Hampton Court, Surrey during the heaviest snow in SE England since 1991. Had just run two miles through shin deep snow at 7am to catch a train into work. Must really treasure my job then, eh?

Xander: Now You See Him...

.....

Update PART TWO: You can find me on Facebook again..

2009-03-01T18:41:00.004Z

Just made the decision now.. Will dust down the social networking site again.. and, erm network??

I've routed my blog through my facebook page again. Spreading my words of wisdom to a wider audience (ahem), know what I mean?

Till Next Time

Alex

Random loose end tie-up PART ONE

2009-03-01T18:05:00.011Z

Hello Mark (et al)

We're having a thaw here. The arctic breezes and thick snow has gone, it's all mildness and watery sunshine now.

So, here it an update of the last month. Decided it would be a fine time to give you a more detailed update as to what's going on. First of all, here is my fitness/ nutrition post. I plan to include it on a new health related blog at an undisclosed point in the near future (here's hoping). Procrastination and yours truly are best of friends at the moment..

****FEEL THE BURN***
Hi there,

My name is Alex. Lifelong fitness fan. Looking to share my passion with the world here, also to dish out some pearls of wisdom with anyone interested. Feel free to read on.

Lovers of a good pint (or three) read here.

In my salad days I downed the occasional beer. Come the weekend I used to go to great lengths to fill myself with large amounts of Stella.

When your metabolism rages like the boiler of the Flying Scotsman, that’s fine. However, as things slow down, the pints have a greater impact than they once did.

Conventional knowledge dictates that providing you take in less energy (or thereabouts) more than you consume, you’re gonna look pretty much the same as you always have. If the balance is reversed.. this might happen..

So, here’s some food for thought for you. Think of how much someone might knock back during a night on the town. How many calories are you taking down in relation to your recommended daily amount (RDA)?

Being well beyond my boozing days personally I had to search this out. Luckily, one of the young blades in the office put me right.

Throw a kebab and chips in there too..

Et voila! A nights worth of eating and drinking heavy on the pocket AND the belly..

Lets say for arguments sake, the experts recommend taking in between 1,800 and 2,000 calories per day. On a typical Friday night out our young blade is consuming the following:

1 pint Stella = 250 cals 7 pints = 7x250 = 1750 cals
1 kebab = 420 cals
1 portion of large chips = 300 cals

A grand total of 2470 calories - 20% over the total approx RDA for an adult male.

Regular indulgence like that can mean only one thing..

Its official, Mark...

2009-02-23T21:57:00.008Z

My values equate to those of a conservative Talk Radio presenter from Raleigh, North Carolina.

Should I be worried? This guy's mix of commentary, libertarianism and wrestling metaphor seem perfect sense in my mind

Might not be your kind of thing as it's mucho politico at times, but please check him out..

Till Next Time,
Alex

Molesey Heath, Saturday 21st February

2009-02-22T21:17:00.004Z

Hi Mark,

Some pictures up on Molesey Heath and the reservoir nearby. Warm, mild and not a cloud in the sky... fills me full of optimism for the months to come.

Island Barn Reservoir

More to come,

Alex

My latest TV vice

2009-02-16T21:33:00.003Z

Hi Mark,

Sorry bout the delay in posting. Been a bit busy, as you probably have too..

Valentines was wonderful, first time Ive indulged the occasion in many years so a real pleasure.

We lounged around in a quiet, Xander free house all of Saturday - curled up in a duvet with lots of indulgences around. It made me think: when was the last time I had the opportunity to lounge around and fall asleep on the couch with no repercussions whatsoever?? It just doesn't happen, I havent stopped over the last year, so this break has been bliss..

I wanted to share my latest discovery. Checked out Boogie Nights, which Im sure you'll agree is a superb film (review to come eventually I hope) but the real highlight was a TV series called 'How I Met Your Mother'. Id never heard of it - apparently it disappeared into a black hole in BBC2's schedule a couple of years back, never to return.

It's great! Imagine 'Coupling' (remember Coupling?) with a sophisticated, witty Frasier-y kind of air. Exactly the same sort of format, a young couple, their male friend, their female friend (who of course hook up and then come apart at a later point) and also their sexist bachelor buddy. The premise? A middle aged guy two decades into the future recounts to his children how he met their mother. Each episode is a flashback detailing his experiences looking for 'The One': and invariably failing to find her. The stars are all winsome Friends clones as one would expect. Alyson Hannigan (Willow out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) features in her first grown up role but Neil Patrick Harris (yes, that Neil Patrick Harris) is a standout as boorish, sexist Barney Stinson. The imdb page is full of zingy one liners which has raised his role as an actor greatly in the last couple of years.

If you've never heard of it. Check it out: youtube has plenty of little snippets to amuse and bemuse.

Check out my latest guilty pleasure..

Alex

Singin' In The Rain (Ciao Review)

2009-02-12T16:54:00.003Z

Hi Mark,
Been ciaoing again. Good to flex the writing muscles once in a while, keeps them sharp. Here is my review of Singin' In The Rain, enjoy..

Singin' In the Rain (1952)103 MinutesDir: Stanley Donen, Gene Kelly.Starring: Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds, Jean Hagen
I should've subtitled this 'I don't like musicals, but'As a rule, I'd give most films where the lead bursts into song a wide berth. For me, a film is credible (and therefore enjoyable) if you can believe in what is unfolding on the screen. How can you suspend belief if the actors suddenly start singing Cole Porter tunes for no apparent reason every 10 minutes? For instance my girlfriend cajoled me to watching 'Rent'. Don't get me wrong: it's worthy, serious stuff, but I had to turn it off after five minutes.
Personally, I am no musicals expert. Wouldn't be able to be analyse one on technical details alone. However, if a musical entertains me (like Mamma Mia did), it gets my seal of approval and I'd watch it repeatedly.'Singin' In The Rain' certainly fits the bill. Even a philistine like me can enjoy the song and dance scenes, the movie is bright and fun, even the some of the comedy moments can still raise a chuckle. This was one of director Stanley Donen's earlier movies (he was only in his late 20s - an indicator of his talent) and was followed by a number of further colourful, frothy comedies into the 1960s like 'The Grass is Greener' and 'Charade'. Gene Kelly is in his prime here: a man who came direct from Broadway in the early 1940s, choreographing numerous movie dance routines (and dancing them too) for the next 20 years. He remained a dance consultant for numerous shows and music tours into his 80s, including Madonna's 'Girly Show' tour in 1993. He can dance (obviously), he can sing and he can act, a triple threat in my mind that no actor before or since has been able to match.
The STORY (in abridged form):Kelly plays silent film star 'Don Lockwood', who along with Lina Lamont (played by Jean Hagen) are the movie lovebirds who hold the public in their thrall. The film opens with them arriving to their latest movie premiere 'The Royal Rascal', screaming crowds and flashing camera bulbs all around. We are introduced to the two stars and quickly find out their public show of affection is a sham. In fact Don is closer to his childhood old friend Cosmo (Donald O'Connor): the two paid their dues at dance halls throughout the country together before hitting it big. The premier is a big success, but during the after party Monumental Pictures studio boss R.F (Millard Mitchell) surprises party goers with the latest entertainment development: a movie..with sound!! The bigwigs don't believe likes of the 'Jazz Singer' will catch on: and of course it does, so Monumental have to cash in by re-releasing 'the Royal Rascal'. This is where the problems start: in the late 1920s some of the biggest silent movie stars didn't survive the transfer to the talkies: some had thick European accents or just didn't sound pleasing enough. Lina Lamont is one, she has a New York accent so whiny that the studio goes to great lengths to ensure she is not heard in public. Techical problems aside therefore (and these raise a few chortles) Monumental have a major problem: how do they make Lamont sound desirable when her voice is like an air raid siren? The solution to the studio's problems is Kathy Selden, a pretty young dancer who Don soon falls in love with. During a late night session where our heroes bemoan the demise of 'The Royal Rascal', Cosmo comes up with an idea. Why not have Lina lip synch to Kathy's delivery of the dialogue and musical numbers? This goes off without a hitch, the audiences love Lina's new voice. Trouble is so does Lina, and she is prepared to take drastic measures to ensure she doesn't have to give it up. So how does Kathy escape Lina's clutches and get her big break??The songs are bright and upbeat, and the joy really shines out of the performances. Add to the sheer polish of performances of Kelly and O'Connor who grab the viewers attention with their screen presence. O?Connor?s solo moment ('Make 'em Laugh') showcases his acrobatic skills, every single pratfall and somersault is so smoothly performed it keeps the viewers attention throughout. Of course it is Kelly who is the star performer: he can hold a tune ('Broadway Melody') but it is his dance routines that look absolutely effortless. 'Singin' in The Rain' is a happy splash through the puddles of a man in love, all completed with Kelly's incredible flawless smile.. I couldn't take my eyes of it! How is it possible to have teeth the same colour as the white jacket/hat combo Don wears at the start of the film? He looks like he's having a fine time throughout, and this in one of the reasons I enjoy this film so much, the whole cast seem to be loving every moment of it.
To recap: I don't like musicals, but.. I love 'Singin' in The Rain'. It is wondrously vibrant and the songs are incredibly catchy (I currently have 'Moses Supposes' running through my mind and am resisting the temptation to burst into song). The comedic moments still raise a chuckle over half a century on: I'd challenge anyone to watch the talkie screening scene of 'The Royal Rascal' and the problems encountered without cracking a smile. Being a musical novice, I normally cant suspend my belief when a musical character embarks onto a number. But when the cast seem to be committing themselves so wholeheartedly, you kind of expect it..

Ow,ow, ow

2009-02-10T17:44:00.004Z

Hi Mark,

Had a killer powerplate session last night.

Sent my work colleague off at about 8.20, stayed till 9pm. Strode out of the gym feeling about 10 feet tall, my mind fantasising about large steaming piles of meat for dinner - it gives you a righteous appetite.

Woke up this morning feeling incredibly stiff, it still amazes me how much a session of standing around on a vibrating platform can take it out of one.. maybe you should try it some day..

Valentines Day approaches soon, and of course I have preparations in place for it [just in case someone I know might be reading this, you know who you are!]. In the office we're gonna have some postboxes so people can send the subject of their affections some (mostly anonymous) tribute. Mostly its just for laughs - I've been throwing around some prose to submit to my mate Dan: a guy who revels in the virtues of 'sleaze' [a LONG story]. It goes something like this..

Roses are Red,
they sway in the breeze.
I can't get enough of
All of your sleaze...

Will make him chortle anyway..

Plan to meet up with my buddy Shash next month. I used to hang out with him back in uni, how many years ago was it? 12??!! Facts like that really shock me. We're all grown ups now, some living with their partners, some married, some with children. Its interesting, the friends who I didnt think would settle down, have now got mortgages, and sired families to go with them. Just shows how much I know doesn't it?

I've changed too. Am now planning to visit Shash next month down his way, bring my 'family' (cannot believe Im even entertaining that thought) to meet his family. Hook up X with Shash's daughter perhaps??

Twee notions like that would not have registered in my mind a year ago.. I can tell you..

Behold..

2009-02-02T20:41:00.007Z

Hi Mark,

There is something about a snow snow shower that brings out the inner child..

In the last 24 hours we've had more come out of the sky than in any point for 18 years. A thick, even, powdery cover which you cannot help cavorting in. Our garden had a wonderful untouched layer of snow which was calling out to be exploited.

So, me and two of my housemates decided to create our own snowman. First time I must've done the deed for a decade and a half. Behold our snowwoman whom my housemate JC christened 'The Beast'.

It isnt the jolly snowman of Raymond Briggs fame, is it? Probably'll be visiting me in my dreams as it looks pretty gruesome. And yes, we did use a can of 'Mr Muscle Oven Cleaner' as a nose, you aren't mistaken.

Alex

With the sirens ringing round my ears..

2009-01-30T19:10:00.005Z

Hi Mark,

Sounds like The Old Bill are busy tonight. Police sirens are in the air as I by my train ticket for work tomorrow. The beered up Kingston masses must be in a feisty mood tonight I reckon.

To be honest, I'm falling out of love with WoB. I have been writing this blog for over two and a half years now. It aint as fun as it used to be. Why? Its becoming a sort of duty, I go a week without writing anything and feel vaguely guilty. Was gonna write reams of incisive commentary and analysis when I started, was gonna amuse and entertain. 330+ entries later I feel kind of flat and jaded.

Lets see where it leads. Might close World of Bile some time soon, perhaps keep writing, I dunno...

Anyway, things are interesting at the moment. E has taken steps to ensure her ex (lets call him M) is no longer a toxic influence in her life. He is a piece of work, entertaining mano e mano but totally unenlightened in how he treats women. She showed me the texts he sent and the voicemails he left, in short he can be nasty and cruel and dish out psychological treatment that no one deserves to experience. For the benefit of her son, she has taken every effort to accommadate a father /son relationship despite the crap M served up to her. However, things have reached a point where she has had to take legal steps to protect her boy .. and M has lost alot of control over the way things were. He now seems set on not seeing his son this weekend as things are not how he would like them. Sounds like a primo sulk to me.

Frankly this amazes me. E has been a paragon of consideration in her deeds, despite the conduct of her ex. With all that has transpired, I wouldve been tempted to stick the boot in - yet she is restrained, and I cant admire her more for that. M, on the other hand seems to be prepared to sacrifice a relationship with his own son out of sheer pride. It reminds me of my own father, who scurried off with his tail between his legs rather than face the reality in his life. In the process he lost 7 years of a relationship with his own son.. hell, he wasnt really there much beforehand anyway. Guess the penny dropped for him in about 2000 that he needed to make his peace with his own kids before it was to late. I hope he thanks God every night that he has reconciled with us.

Will M's sulk be shorter lived? I hope it is for his sake, and the sake of his son... of course I care so much more about the latter than the former. In the meantime we can give X all the affection he might need. Every boy needs his Daddy, but for those who can't see theirs - alternative measures can be taken.

Till Next Time

Alex

I ache...

2009-01-25T20:09:00.005Z

Hi Mark,

Have just had a three hour Krav Maga session with my workmate Johnno. Check it out on youtube for more information as I can barely sit and type at the mo, feel soo stiff..

Work has been non stop, as you might know, and I feel so guilty about it. A certain person who is very dear to me wasn't to impressed that my plan was to gonna jump on a train to London this morning, and I can understand their concern. After all, Sunday as the day of rest when you should be taking things easy, not being whaled on with a big stick in Central London. Anyway, I digress... as usual.

Now you won't know Johnno, actually his name is John. However, being a clean cut, fitness guy, I think 'Johnno' is a better handle for him. He's a clean cut guy who works in my office, is training to be a special (sound familiar?) and was looking for some self defence skill to take out with him on the beat. Me on the other had, I heard of it several years ago but never had the guts to give it a try.

So, we piled into Fitness First near Warren Street, an agreeable bunch of student types, dainty young girlies and a few portlier types.. thankfully no meatheads in evidence which reassured me. The instructors are an amiable, and surprisingly thick set bunch - the head guy (I forget his name) was a chunky bloke in his late 30s who looked like he meant business. Charming, funny at times but as hard as nails.

His assistant, a black dude called 'Mikey' was just as professional. He demonstrated a move to Johnno called 'The Hammer'.. with me holding the pads. It scared the living daylights out of me that something so seemingly effortless could have so much impact. Each lazy blow created a resounding 'thwack' on the pad and knocked me a step further back. Having demonstrated his skill, Mikey turned away and left us to it..

We kicked, poked and hit each other with reckless abandon. One of the choice moves was the technique to get out of being strangled, and my neck feels sore thinking about it. After three hours, the Krav Maga boys let us go, feeling slightly stiff but ecstatic. I really enjoyed it, and with Johnno at my side will go again soon.

Depends how I feel in the morning of course... ;)

Alex

2009-01-21T17:35:00.004Z

So our American cousins finally kicked out the fool Bush. They've just sworn in Obama as prez on a wonderfully crisp, sunny winter day.

Must've been an arrangement with the Big Man Upstairs, wonderful bit of symbolism for the bright sense of expectation we all have. Gotta admit it, Number 44 looks and sounds gooooood...far better than the wannabe cowboy imbecile who came before him.

Can he make a difference? I certainly hope so. But I fear the mess left by GWB and his cronies will be difficult to get over. Moreover Obama's Bailout Mark II sounds worryingly ominous though, will he throw the money at the problem like the last lot did??

Nonetheless, the global goodwill is there. Lets hope he can come up to expectations..

Winter blues..

2009-01-21T17:23:00.003Z

Hi Mark,

Got a bad case of the winter lurgie at the moment. Streaming eyes, nose running freely, hacking and wheezing like an asthmatic steam engine. Not a good look. Unfortunately, after a few cases of man flu at the end of oh-eight, Ive gotta be a bit more circumspect at the start of oh-nine.

Last weekend Ellen and myself took Xander to meet my Dad, his wife Moyra and my sister Astrid. It was a birthday/ meet the family kind of thing. They absolutely loved him! He revelled in the attention and was at his most charming best. D&M are hungering for grandchildren and Astrid is looking for practice when hers come along so it was win-win. Astrid’s husband, film director Jon, gave me a full sized theatrical poster for the Cass movie which I’ll have to find wall space for. Check out how well it’s doing in the sales online.. sold out at WH Smiths which is encouraging…

My life is so busy at the moment. Of course my gym work has priority on my time, Ellen and X come a close second. Family and friends fill the gaps, but of course there are limitations. It is a nice quandary to have in my opinion, even though catching up with people has become an obstacle. One thing I will miss out on this year is the cricket. Working at Lords was gruelling, but a childhood dream come true. This summer the Australians are coming and wouldn’t miss it for the world. Still, it’ll have to join the queue of all the other stuff I’m planning to do this year. Want a chance to check out the Second Test for free? Check out this link.

Anyway, thats your lot for the moment. I'll be down in Guildford town on Friday evening to catch up with Liv et al, so if you're out and about it would be good to meet up.

Cheerio,

Alex

'A whole lotta shaking going on'

2009-01-11T15:55:00.006Z

Hi Mark,

Was really nice to see you. Was great to see everyone in fact.

As is the custom of recent years, my 32nd (!!) birthday was celebrated on the same occasion as Liv's 28th. For a change, she picked the venue: the Tinkling Ivories bar in the centre of Guildford - something different to our usual 'book a table in a boozer somewhere and thats it kind' of approach. I was thrilled, a radical departure from the usual. A venue with a table, somewhere civilised where we could listen to live music and chat amongst ourselves.

How wrong I was.

The place was rammed. My trainers somehow beat the 'nice shoes only' rule and we fought our way to meet up with Liv et al. There was no table, so we stood and mingled, firstly in the middle of the bar area and then towards the far end where the performing area was set up. Playing catch up with friends has become more difficult over time As my life is more wonderfully complicated than it was before, this isnt a total tragedy. Still, it was a pleasure to cajole Jacob down for one of his free evenings, and it is always a pleasure to see some of the Guildford regulars. Anyway, I digress...

The venue was full of very well dressed aspirational people in their 20s - wearing somber earth colours and strappy cocktail dresses. It reminded me when the bar with a dance floor kind of venue opened in town when I was about eighteen: discerning, well to do people looking to sample something new. Most were very happy, very drunk but joyfully contented with what was served up. I on the other had was not impressed at all, the piano served up a number of club standards and other genre defying oldies in a competent Elton John style. Maybe I wasn't drunk enough, but this was totally inappropriate! Case in point: 'Fly Me to the Moon' a tender, wistful song which needs to be treated gently or have plenty of orchestral backing. Listen to Sinatra or Nat King Cole and you will hear the way the words are thoughtfully mulled over, not belted out by a competent Jerry Lee Lewis wannabee. Plus, why would I want to hear a rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody in a Chas N Dave stylee when the original is so much more satisfying?

Conversation was difficult, the music wasn't exactly there to savour, the bar was rammed. We made our excuses and started drifting away. Felt sorry for Liv, who ironically enough was strutting her stuff and generally having a fine old time! She didn't take to our apologetic departures and was ready to dance on into the early hours...

Still, I will arrange a visit to see everyone when I can. Suddenly the friendship of those dear to me feels too valuable to be ignored. If I had a resolution for oh nine it would be to ensure daily life doesnt get in the way of those important to me...

Till Next Time

Alex

A clean sheet..

2009-01-02T19:35:00.003Z

Hi Mark,

How were your celebrations? I was working till early afternoon at the gym and then shot up to town to meet Ellen. We walked around for a while, paid a visit to Wong Kei's for dinner and tried to catch a film, any film with no luck at all.

We returned home from Waterloo on a half past seven train just as the even trains starting pulling into town. Disgorging their cargo of eager young revellers in their finest threads, all with expectations of a high old time and big fat wallets to fuel it. Certainly took me back to fine nights of other times, when I'd knock back a prodigious amount and spend the first day of the following year regretting it. Frankly, after rising at pitch black o'clock that morning, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep, and thats pretty much what we did. We lay in the warm solitude of Ellen's bed and listened out for the fireworks and the cheers that heralded the entrance of oh-nine.

May be different next year, we'll see.

Oh-eight was a year which greatly exceeded expectations for me, as you probably know. If the next twelve months come close I'll be thrilled. Resolutions? Ask me and I'll tell you.

Had an amusing moment this evening. Doing my laundry of all things....

Reached the bottom of the basket. You know, where all the socks seem to gravitate to.

Had hung them out the previous evening to dry and was greeted with the sight of several dozen black socks on my clothes horse and the radiator. Inert but almost full of some hidden menace, was a bit like the final scene of The Birds!

Cheers,

Alex

Predator review

2008-12-30T18:46:00.009Z

Hi Mark,

Haven't been motivated to write in my blog of late, despite Patch and Dave's encouragement.

So here is a review of Predator which I've posted to Ciao today, give's you something to read.

Predator (1987)

Dir: John McTiernan
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, Kevin Peter Hall

For me, Predator is one of Arnie's finer action movies, along with Commando and Total Recall that exemplify the genre. Minus the special effects of later films, it still matches them for action and visceral thrills. Predator is a blend of macho and science fiction. With Die Hard director John McTiernan at the helm it is more measured than other action films of the period. The unfurling story is not simply a preamble to the gunfire, it stands out with merit in its own right. Amongst the Stallone and Schwarzenegger films of the period, this is practically unique.

A plane has gone down in the Central American jungle with a crew of US airmen who are subsequently been held by terrorists. There is of course, just one man who can rescue them, Colonel 'Dutch' Scultz played by Arnie. He leads his team of incredibly macho commandos into the jungle, tracks down the terrorists and dispatch them with minimal fuss. On the way the team pick up farmer/terrorist lady/? Elpidia Carrillo for window dressing and then heads for home. Of course it isn't that simple, there is someone (or something) tracking Dutch's team through The Green. The hunter is a 7 feet plus tall dreadlocked Alien who hunts people for sport, sees the heat of its quarry and uses a variety of devious toys to kill them off. One by one, Arnie's troop fall prey to the Predator until just he is left. A life and death jungle struggle ensues..

You can almost sense the testosterone seeping through the screen during the 106 minutes run time of this film. This was one of Arnold Schwarzeneggers first major features and he plays the role of Dutch straight pretty much throughout. No wisecracking, monotone one man army here, Arnie displays a full range with emotions like fear and worry in this movie: unprecedented in one of his films. Of course, the script gives Arnie a bounty of macho wisecracks and dialogue that he gleefully mangles with his guttural Austrian accent ('Get in Da Choppagh!!'). Dutch is ably backed up by a support of bulky alpha males who shine in their own right. Bill Duke is the finest of these - he plays Mac, an imposing, shaven headed sergeant who is in driven to madness by what transpires. Jesse Ventura is Blain, a macho man with a moustache (rare that, even then) who is the deliverer of one of the most needlessly virile lines of dialogue I have ever heard (you know, the chewing tobacco wisecrack). Carl Weathers (of Rocky fame) features as Dillon, a former buddy of Schultz who sends the men out in the first place.

The actors work together extremely well. According to the director commentary they were sent on a boot camp before filming started so the camaraderie feels very authentic. The whole 'slasher in the jungle' idea plays out gratifyingly despite the limitations of budget, technology and other factors. Case in point: Dutch visibily looses weight over the course of some scenes (Delhi belly being to blame)- apparently Arnie completes some scenes with an IV rig in his arm. Visually, the special effects have dated surprisingly well - FX master Stan Winston (who worked on the Terminator movies) created a ground breaking Predator reminiscent to HR Geiger's designs for the Alien films. Twenty years on you still admire the naturalistic countenance of this creature, it looks like a pi**ed off lobster on steroids.

Overall this movie is one of the best of the action movie genre. All the components are there to make the teenage fanboys drool: macho flesh, plenty of wisecracks, gratutitous gunfire and gore. However, Predator stands apart for its nuances and understatement.. and I never thought Id say that for an action movie! The heroes are not fearless warriors, they get spooked at times and even untermench Arnie displays a measure of terror at the end. The violence (and there is plenty of it) is played sparingly, creepers and other Central American foliage play their part in masking the gore and even creating a certain amount of suspense. The dialogue is credible and devoid of the usual macho hot air and wooden plot exposition you'd expect from an Arnie film. Bill Duke is superb as the doomed Mac, unsettlingly efficient at the start but spooked to mania during later scenes - a multifaceted performance compared to his acrylic suited goon in Commando.

One of Arnie's finest. And a credible sci-fi thriller to boot..

If you haven't seen it for a while, check it out. Those without a predilection for action movies might be pleasantly surprised too. It's not as bad as you probably thought.

4/5

'Christmas Lunch for Dummies' Anyone?

2008-12-21T21:58:00.008Z

Mark,

Christmas approaches rapidly. All the Xmas gifts have been organised well ahead of time, all that is left (all?) is the ingredients for a Boxing Day feed for Ellen, Xander, Mum and myself.

Being my first major solo festive eating plan, this disturbs somewhat. The checklist has about half a dozen items on it (turkey? sprouts? roast potatoes? cranberry sauce? erm...) and tails off soon after. Still, give the visitors plenty of vino and they shouldnt be too fussy..

Its amazing how much can change in 12 months, this time last year I was planning a solo Xmas, just looking to get through and start 2008 with a clean slate. This year I have plans to make: a tree to decorate and many friends to wish my best to before New Year begins. Obviously, Ive inherited all of Ellen's buddies by proxy too and this weekend I played dutiful partner when we travelled over to Kent to visit some of them.

The last eight months have given me an insight into life with children. Until meeting Xander I just didnt realise the battle of attrition and psychological warfare involved in bringing a little one into the world. To those who dont know. Its. Seriously. Hard. Work.

Now one is tough. Imagine having 4. Ellen's friend Debbie has four girls aged 4 to 9. I spent an hour with them on Saturday night , which was 60 of the most intense minutes of my life. The front room was full of howling girls when we came in and they proceeded to focus their gimlet attention on yours truly whilst Ellen 'got a coffee'. Still, like dogs they can sense fear coming through the pores, you just gotta dive in and play. And play I did. Georgina (aged 6) told me I wasn't well, sent me to the couch to lie down and decided she was going to 'look after me'. This involved coming my hair (??!!), giving up her teddy and generally leaping all over me.

I got away lightly. With a few hugs and shouts of 'smelly', we made our excuses and left.

Next on the list were Chrissie and Mark. They have just two children and the difference in welcome was a relief, more monastery than monkey house. Both were quiet, well mannered and polite. If Ellen had a best friend, it would have to be Chrissie, they miss each other very much since E moved away. Chrissie is a very strong woman, she rules her family with a rod of iron. And it seems like Mark is often on the receiving end of any directives that are issued. Its funny, he looks and acts just like Jacob - quiet, reserved and deadpan.. the similarities were just uncanny..

I visited my buddy Simon down in Farnborough this afternoon. I will tell you all about that another time.

Till Then

Alex

Baseballs newest recruit?

2008-12-15T18:51:00.004Z

Hi there,

Ive decided my blog is going to be addressed to my most loyal reader, Mark. Im personalising my writings as I rather like the notion my thoughts are being taken on by someone who is interested. Rather like a noted fictional diarist of previous years, no?

The big story which has swum into my awareness is George Bush’s ‘farewell’ trip to Iraq. After the chaos that country has been submerged into, a discreet exit stage right would be a lot more fitting, I’d reckon. Still, GWB is making a victory tour, like a Roman general touring the conquered provinces. It seems the locals are not too impressed though if these pics are anything to go by..

You gotta admire his reflexes though - nearly took his head off.

Righteous Kill.. my two cents

2008-12-15T18:34:00.005Z

Have been squeezing a few movies in recently. On the small screen and the large.

Firstly, Mark and myself went along to the PCC to watch ‘Righteous Kill’ the latest De Niro/ Pacino vehicle. Normally this is a fanboy wet dream combo: two wisecracking, intense multi award winning tough boys sharing the same screen. The problem is… its absolutely.. terrible.. My review is short, as 30 words is all this movie deserves..

They play two, jaded cops (Turk and Rooster – it doesn’t really matter which one is which) who are following up a number of murders। Suspicion falls onto De Niro who is heading the case but of course there is a twist in the finale. Pretty formulaic stuff, but add into the mix that both of these once fine actors are at their profane, scenery chewing worst. Pacino has morphed into a particularly sweary owl and his angry heron death rattle is laughable at best (spoiler there॥ sorry). Meanwhile De Niro’s features seemed to have moved towards the centre of his puckered up face.. like Blakey off ‘On The Buses’. The stock Pacino/De Niro stereotypes ring hollow now, the former no longer portrays the passionate, off the wall maverick whilst De Niro no longer comes across the dangerous, powerful man you wouldnt dream of crossing. We now have the Odd Couple as filmed by Martin Scorcese - two repressed, angry old men who just come across as bitter..

Pacino: hoot! Muthaf**ka!

De Niro: 'I'll get you Butler'

The fundamental point is: these two are just to old. Period. The intense, cornered De Niro comes across as a particularly unpleasant old man instead of the powerful righteous man he would’ve projected ten years previously. Dressed in grey sweatpants and zip up top when facing down the villain he could looks like he should be starring in Cocoon. Pacino runs around in his usual black leather jacket and open necked shirt, permatanned turkey neck on show. He should be wearing a cardie for goodness sake!

Mark summed up the movie with his usual well measured piquancy:

‘More Turkey than Rooster’

I am here to please you...

2008-12-10T17:32:00.002Z

WoB is a labour of love for me.

If I don't post for a while, pangs of guilt hit me. Often I ask myself 'Am I posting anything anything of significance?'

Probably not.

Every day I check the number of people who visit my blog through an application called Statcounter. Received over 450 hits last month which is a record. I have two visitors who seem to visit my blog several times each day, I only known them by IP address: 86.2.247.118 and 217.41.39.190. This message is primarily for them.

I hope you enjoy what I post here. I feel flattered that you continue to find interest in the words I write.

Cheers,

Alex

Xander never stops moving..

2008-12-10T17:06:00.006Z

A strange one for you. Indulge me if you would...

Ellen's buddy from Chicago returned after his adventures overseas. We took him for an Italian before sending him back Stateside.

This is a photo of the human mini dynamo that is Xander Reed. My efforts to get a candid mealtime snap were rewarded with the blur you see above. Kind of funny I thought..

However, the more I look at this pic, the more disconcerting it becomes. Wide mouth, Simpsonian overbite, elongated, swollen eyes.. See??

I've been racking my brain for what this reminds me of. Had the eureka moment this morning: it as this image from David Lynch's head scratching marathon 'Inland Empire' - after two hours of weirdness that goes over your head, this image on a 30 foot screen wakes you up like a wet fish slapped round the chops.

See the resemblance???

Cheers,

Alex

I want nieces and nephews darn it! But in the meantime..

2008-12-05T19:59:00.007Z

Paid a visit to my sister and bro in law in deepest Surrey..

Lovely area. Full of winsome commuter sorts who go there to settle down and raise children who are well mannered and pleasing on the eye..

My sister has left her high powered London job to do just that. She's picked the perfect place too. A huge airy house with massive back lawn. I foresee half a dozen years down the line a couple of photogenic children charging around with wreckless abandon. Grazing knees, getting muddy, all the kind of things that kiddies do.

Until that happens I have her two bulldogs to enjoy. Jock and Rosie live so well and are treated too so much love they might as well be human children anyway! Last time I posted about my 'niece' my weekly hit totals nearly tripled when the porn searchers came my way. Peoples' hunger for smut in the unlikeliest places never ceases to amaze me..

Anyway, here are some more pics of the little ones who call me 'uncle'..

Or maybe they don't.

Devil Dog (l) and Jock (r)

The genetic cloning of Cerberus is only partly complete.

Hard life, huh?

I love the sound of Rammstein in the morning.

2008-12-02T19:57:00.003Z

It wakes you up like nothing else. Short of a caffeine IV drip of course! Their stuff makes me sprint when I for my pre-work run. I turn it up loud and the pneumatic drill drum solos literally drag me over the last couple hundred yards or so. Lungs heaving, sweat dripping off me and with my ears ringing… not a pretty sight..

Never thought Id be a fan of this kind of stuff. However after browsing on youtube I got a sample of one of their wonderfully dark videos. Someone chewing on an angel's wings with the angel still attached, something like that. The visuals are pretty shocking, but this stuff is some of the most powerful music I have ever heard!

My understanding of German is next to nothing, but the language is perfect for heavy metal lyrics. The lead singer’s rolled r's and majestically forboding vocal style simply drip with dark menace. My favourite Rammstein tune (and I never thought Id ever be saying that) is called ‘Feuer Frei’ ('Fire When Ready') and is a combo of powerful speed drumming with bombing sirens and guitars that sound like the Wehmacht heavy metal marching band should playing them. Check out the video for ‘Feuer Frei’ – it looks… evil.. Then check the lego homage I discovered. A slightly fluffier version..

Busted they most certainly are not..

Hello, good evening, welcome and goodbye...again..

2008-11-27T19:55:00.014Z

Has it been a year already?

Our childhood heroes came calling again and the lure of Brixton Academy was again too strong. For about two years at the start of the 1990s Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine were an indie music sensation. Their drum machine, thunderous punk guitars and pun heavy Chas N Dave style lyrics earned them 4 top 10 albums and 12 top 40 singles in the UK..they were huge.

Of course the zeitgeist turned its' focus elsewhere and they disappeared off into obscurity. Forgotten, save in the hearts of 30 something boys and girls who would dip into their music once in a while to relive their salad days... people like me for example. Last year I was jubilant that my Carter buddy Tom picked up ticket fors their 'farewell gig' at Brixton Academy - a venue of countless previous Carter gigs going back many years. That evening in November 2007 I paid what I thought was my final respects at the church of Jim Bob & Fruit Bat, bid my adolescence a bittersweet farewell and prepared to get on with my life.

So, when my buddy Tom picked up tickets for Carter USM for a November '08 gig I was eager, but had some reservations. And so it proved. Being pummelled in the ribs whilst sweating profusely stage front and centre still had its attractions, but Id got my closure the year before. Three encores at the end was milking it. Or maybe Id sobered up and wanted to go home.. I dunno.

Anyway, its all done. I reckon I won't be listening to my Carter albums for a long time now. They wont raise my spirits and make the sessions of air drumming seem worthwhile now. Of course, give it 20 years and a mid life crisis and things may be different!

(r to l) Tom, Jo Boy and a German Carter fan compare notes.

S*M*A*S*H - Third on the bill. Lead Guitarist (r) was superb

EMF - second on the bill: Enthusiasm does not equal quality.

Carter USM - headliners: the crowds still love 'em.

Dear Santa, for Xmas I would like...

2008-11-26T10:02:00.008Z

Some of these!

A friend of mine has a very young daughter.

She is having a few troublesome nights as little ones do. My friend comes into work with that blank 1000 yard stare which sleep deprived parents have always had. Eyes dim like marbles, dark panda like pouches under them. Not pretty..

Nowadays my heart goes out to him and all those in a similar position. After having a similar experience myself the other night, I now have an idea of how infants can put you through your paces.

Xander is a feisty young fellow. Maybe it’s the Aries in him. Normally he’s non-plussed by bedtime and uses most of the weapons in his armoury in order to delay the inevitable. So, it was with surprise and jubilation we settled him in his bedroom at 6pm one evening. Tucked him in, gave him a peck on the cheek – job done. Or so we thought.. Heres how the drama played out to my ears.. my eyes were screwed shut in a desperate hunt for sleep.

Dozing in bed during the early hours I heard a small bump, Xander’s Ben 10 watch then started going off. ‘No big deal’ I thought: ‘he’ll roll over and go back to sleep again’. It was not to be, I heard the light switch click and the rolling of car wheels on the wall. Sounded like the X-man had recharged his batteries and was ready to go. Sometimes he doesn’t differentiate between 3pm and 3am, and this was a case of a very early playtime…

I heard the tap tap tap of little feet on carpet. The bedroom door opening. Xander wanted apple juice. A request readily granted during daylight hours, but not so likely in the middle of the night, right? My muddled snoozing mind listened whilst Ellen got some water down him and sent X back to bed.. However the chiming of his watch continued..

Xander wasn’t finished yet. His next gambit was the ‘I need a wee’ approach. Once again he was dispatched to do his business with minimum off fuss. The chiming of his watch continued.

The light went on again. X came to see us once more. By this time Ellen had fallen asleep and it took several plaintive requests to rouse her. It was apple juice again, and this time he wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer. I heard the resolution in his voice and the stamping of his little foot. But it was not to be, Ellen was not gonna be obliging at 4am in the morning. The whines of protest turned into screams of outrage as he was led back to his room. A thump followed as he fell off his bunk bed ladder, and the screams became howls, big lusty howls of indignation. I lay there with my eyes screwed shut, listening to the puzzled fury in his voice. It was almost comical, if it hadn't been for the fact there wasn’t even 30 mins till I had to get up for work! Ellen returned and did her best to calm him down whilst I struggled for that final fitful slumber.

Pics taken from N95: Autumn 2008

2008-11-24T21:29:00.009Z

Dave has exchanged his Guildford bachelor pad for something far more opulent in Billinghurst, West Sussex.

A little change I found down the back of the sofa ;)

My 'niece' - lovely Rosie

Stage at the Hampton Hill Playhouse for 'Elizabeth'. Striking stage setting: shame about the cast

Liv and Toria - two lovely (if slightly tipsy) ladies

All things fitness related - UPDATE

2008-11-18T15:37:00.009Z

More material for you to check out as I'm about to start a new blog!

Yeahhhh!!

Its gonna be focused on my interest in all things of a healthy, with regular links from WoB. If your eye glazes over with the mere thought of it, don't worry - my regular stylings will continue here. In my usual off-beat manner. Also, I'm gonna venture back into the world of Facebook again, this time with my new fitness alter-ego.

So I won't be wasting all my free moments playing Scrabulous this time around!

Till next time...

Alex

Man has nervous breakdown in granite quarry...

2008-11-16T19:15:00.000Z

Or.......

Ellie treads the boards...

2008-11-14T20:02:00.006Z

Its bloody cold out there my friends,

I was planning to go for a spirit raising evening jog, but the need to knock out a couple hundred WoB words is keeping me in the warm.

Last week was culture time. We took ourselves off for a dose of amateur dramatics courtesy of my work colleague Ellie. She was starring in a performance of 'Elizabeth' a story of a troupe of players performing a play about the Virgin Queen with 'hilarious' interruptions.

The Young Vic it aint - Kevin Spacey isnt coming knocking any time soon. The players made up for lack of acting kudos with a real enthusiasm. 'Elizabeth' was a pretty young thing, rattled her lines off well but without the regal aura whilst 'Leicester' looked like David Tennant and had similar levels of courtly grandeur of the same. Ellie took to the stage with spunk I never normally see in her. When someone sinks their teeth into something like that you really gotta stand back and enjoy it with them.

Reminds me of my salad days. When I was young and thrusting and I thought the world would hang onto my every word... what ever happened to that idealistic young man I used to be???

This evening I spoke to my friend Simon. Our diaries and family commitments continue to take is in separate directions. But still, you've gotta make the effort to touch base, don't you? Glad I did as his younger son is a fine young fellow of a year old now. I look forward to a visit out to the 'burbs again. The thought of Simon being Lord and Master of his realm is something which warms my heart.

As he is starting to read my blog again, Im gonna fullfill a special request for him. Posts which mention Jake (check out top of page 18 on this document for the man himself) will now have a 'JAKE' tag on them so readers can get straight to the good stuff.

Coming up close on the rails in the Parenthood Oaks are James and Charlotte. The daddy to be sent me a text last month, sharing the good news in his own laconic style. Staley Jnr (boy or girl) will be due sometime in the Spring and I reckon parenthood will help them both blossom.

Right, Im off to put on some thermals and get some exercise. Jeez, its Friday evening, I should really be down the pub, shouldnt I?

Alex

Life Aquatic - rescuing the bond company stooge

2008-11-09T20:16:00.001Z

One of my favourite films of all time. Please check it out if you havent yet...

And the winner is..

2008-11-05T21:51:00.002Z

You know who the winner is. Probably have done for a while.

In the early hours of the morning UK time, our friends from across the pond voted in Barack Obama as 44^th President of the US. Queue much rejoicing and comparisons to JFK and Bill Clinton.

Check out some of the flowery phrases of congratulation from the BBC website..

Lot’s of talk about ‘opportunity’ and ‘change’: and lets face it, the charismatic gentleman who is POTUS elect makes a pleasing contrast to the disastrous guy he follows. However I feel we’re gonna be in for a big disappointment.

I’m not an expert on economics or policy, so wouldn’t be able to quote you convincing fiscal arguments as to why BO is not the great hope we think he is. However, there are some fundamentals I can get my head around. For instance our collective mindset is to throw good money after bad into the financial system, huge bailouts that will saddle future generations with debt and encourage the banks to be no less prudent in their outlook. And why should they be cautious? The precedent of a safety net has been set and more will certainly follow.

It comes to a fundamental point. If the printing presses continue to produce the money, it will become increasingly less valuable until something has to give. Overseas countries have unprecedented amounts of US currency and there will become a point when their investments become untenable and billions of dollars gets dumped onto the market. End result: $ goes down the toilet and the whole economy breaks up into little pieces.

Now this is bad news for all of us. As the largest global economy, if the US cannot freely buy and sell it’s goods – the rest of the world will have problems.

As for Mr O ushering in a new era of progressiveness an enlightenment – once again I get the impression we have been duped once again. The only way anyone can get into the Big House is by getting the backing of the powers that be. For example, how will Obama repay for the good PR he has received from the press? Big backers will always want some kind of return on their 'investment' and the Pres will be hostage to fortune in just the same way to those who came previously.

I guess what I am saying is this. Don’t be fooled by his gravitas or velvety oratory style. Obama is the same package as what came before but in slightly glitzier wrapping. He is in the thrall of The Man just as much as McCain/Clinton/Kerry/ does. We shouldn’t be conned into expecting wonder cures to what ails us, even in desperate times such as these.

Bye for Now,

Alex

Beer of the year..

2008-11-03T19:47:00.002Z

See what I did there? :)

Evening to everyone. Hope you viewed my political youtube post linking dealie from earlier on today. Even though it is a US programme, I believe what it says to be universal.

Anyway, I have the evening off, am catching up with all those tedious little things that you gotta do when you get a chance. Have started Xmas shopping - online, natch. If it stops me committing some acts of gratuitous consumer manslaughter I will buy my stuff virtually instead of trying my luck amongst the dull eyed festive masses. Loaded with bags, mobile phones clamped to their listless faces, gaggles of unaware children gathered round them. They just bloody well get in the way.. grrrrrr!!

Im just about to go out for a run. However before I do, would like to share my enthusiasm for something. We were doing a shop yesterday and 'Blood Orange Cobra Beer' got my attention in the chilled goods section. It's delicious! Following in the unconvention of seemingly ill matched ingredients like chili in chocolate and deep fried Mars bars (well, maybe not), it shouldn't work but does so perfectly. Give it a try, it's like sticking a Terry's chocolate orange in your pint..

But just without the foil!

Cheers

Alex

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 1 of 6

2008-11-03T19:37:00.001Z

Something to consider as our friends across the pond cast their vote.

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 2 of 6

2008-11-03T19:20:00.003Z

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 3 of 6

2008-11-03T19:20:00.001Z

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 4 of 6

2008-11-03T19:19:00.005Z

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 5 of 6

2008-11-03T19:19:00.003Z

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 6 of 6

2008-11-03T19:19:00.001Z

How to Start Blogging with Blogger DAVE READ THIS

2008-10-30T21:25:00.001Z

Hi Dave,

You were thinking about a blog. This is how you do it.

Alex

A moan from the heart….. literally

2008-10-30T00:23:00.001Z

Why can’t I live without caffeine?

Its one of the only things I regret nowadays. Ever since my granddad used to serve me steaming cups of tea in bed on a Sunday morning, I’ve probably kept the most of the tea producing nations in business. Vending machine coffee kept me up and running during my salad days. I shifted tables and chairs and heavy loads at a local office block after I graduated. Rocking into work at dawn for my ten hour shift, it was only grainy cups of Nescafe that got me through till hometime. Those plastic cups of caffeinated goodness kept a spring in my step and my eyes bright no matter what the world threw at me. Red Bull was my fuel of choice on a Saturday evening – it gave me a swagger and a glint in my eye which would last all night long.

Nowadays those cups of the hard stuff serve to cure a hangover and help me communicate with surly members of the public in the job which I do.

This is fine, however it doesn’t come without its concerns.

Number 1. My pearly whites are not so pearly. The charming smile I flash at times is not so charming as the teeth are a little less ivory than I’d like.

Number 2. Too much caffeine plays havoc with the insides.. If you heard me playing the intestinal tuba in the gents you’d understand.. the pneumatic drumbeat solo my heart beats is not too far behind..

Number 3. Most significantly.. if I’m not drinking coffee, I’m not functioning properly. I can actually feel my eyes glazing over in conversation… and my mind wandering elsewhere.. in fact I can feel it happening now.. its like.. oh look, shiny!

A life of minor arrhythmia awaits if I continue to blitz the daily brew. Still, what is the alternative?

Looks like my favourite blogger has made a return to form

2008-10-26T20:23:00.003Z

Finally..

Check out the 'two most scary places on Earth' movies embedded on the 24th October.

Makes you realise how a cold snap or our hot summer weather (when we get it) is pretty insipid by comparison....

Cheers

Alex

McCain and Palin Dance in High School Musical 3!

2008-10-23T20:39:00.001Z

They've got all the moves!

The secret to losing weight..

2008-10-21T18:28:00.007Z

Its very simple..

Less weight = more activity+ less nutritional intake

Statement of the bleedin' obvious perhaps. But gimmick diets will never work, if you're sitting on the sofa eating nothing but grapefruits, the weight's going straight back on once you're back on the bacon sandwiches at breakfast time. Know what I mean?

Why am I saying this? Well, I started a new part time job. Escape from my working life of cheap coffee, computer screens and bad air conditioning. My second office is a trendy gym in Barnes. Well, not actually a gym - the purists would call it a 'fitness boutique'. Complete with neutral wall colouring, soothing music and four exercise machines which would look good on the deck of the Starship Enterprise. Behold!

The Power Plate is the latest exercise gadget to get the Yummy Mummies in a lather. There is a vibrating mechanism in the platform which makes the muscles influenced by it expand and contract very quickly. Its like when you run or lift weights: the muscles come under pressure and have to work in order to cope. The beauty of this piece of equipment is that you stand virtually still to get the benefit. No running, heaving or muscle soreness, no gym gorillas hurling their 50kg free weights onto the floor in front of you. Just a 30min session then you can get down to the important business of picking up Tarquin and Gemima from nursery.

Or you can get the au pair to do the school run instead.

The Power Plate really works too. I've spent the last week of my training working muscles I didn't know I had. The sweat drips off me while I barely even move and my chest muscles twitch like they have a mind of their own. It's an exercise experience unlike any other.

My new work colleagues are slim women with flat stomachs and bigger triceps than I. The blokes are toned or look like they're hewn from granite. Jason is a full timer at my new place of work, he looks like a young Kiwi Kurt Russell, has an easy manner and the kind of look that makes women drool. He is a super straight fitness expert and regards me with a sort of confusion. My tidy belly and incomplete command of fitness facts is something he just can't seem to get his head around.

My muscles are heavy and I've got plenty to learn in months to come but now have a sense of urgency which has been missing for a long time. Wish me luck...

Alex

Star Wars Spoof Battle With Benny Hill

2008-10-17T18:06:00.001Z

Another youtube offering that made my day...

A

Feeling hungry? Not for long you wont be..

2008-10-17T17:44:00.001Z

In my new line of work I'm starting to think about diet an nutrition. You know the sort of thing: fat, fibre, carbohydrates, daily calorie intake.. that sort of thing. Id be interested to see the levels this baby tips the scales at!

ROCKY BALBOA

2008-10-15T18:28:00.001Z

Nuff said...

My new 'niece' - she likes to lick herself (??!!)

2008-10-13T18:37:00.005Z

More lovely sunshine this weekend gone so we piled into the countryside to visit my sister and my new 'niece'.

Rosie is 17 weeks old, has free run of the garden, likes her tummy tickled and sleeps in a cage.

She's a bulldog of course, and a lovely one at that.

Rosie and her older 'brother' Jock.

Autumn lingers with its' pleasing moments

2008-10-10T15:47:00.004Z

In these ominous economic times, Id thought the weather would be grim to match: wet, steely and dark.

It isnt. We've enjoyed scattered days of watery sunshine as 'summer' has progressed into autumn. And life has similarly retained its warmer moments.

We paid a spur of the moment late afternoon visit to Bushy Park the other week. It seemed to be head buttin' season for the male red deer and we watched the clattering of horns with some interest. The stags' battle cries filled Xander with a mixture of wonder and fear (sounded like something out of Jurassic Park to me) but the lack of wariness of the does didn't fail to charm us. We collected horse chestnuts to hurl into a nearby ditch before the cold beat us into a retreat home by about 7 o'clock that evening.

Good wholesome fun.

As a present Ellen gave X a plastic mask for Halloween. It was 40 pence which was well spent as he absolutely adores it.. however it kinda freaks me out. Still, do you remember the last time something so cheap gave you so much pleasure?

National Debt clock can't keep up, need another digit

2008-10-09T16:18:00.001Z

The new one will be made in China and cost $9,000,000.

Thats a joke by the way

My life has been turned upside down.

2008-10-05T20:09:00.002Z

And its mostly down to Xander, my girlfriend's little boy. A three feet and two and a half stone of a pocket sized force of nature. He's subject to everything from the deepest squalls of tantrum and unhappiness to bright unalloyed joy. The latter being a revelation..

I find him an endless source of fascination.

If you'd told me a year ago Id have been navigating life with a toddler today, I would've laughed. Last thing I'd expect. However, here I am.. crossing roads hand in hand with the X-man, palming treats (hopefully) unseen back onto supermarket shelves when the little guy brings them to the till. I had my first childhood sickness experience the other week, after half a bag of M&Ms and playground cavorting Xander declared: 'My tummy's feeling funny'. A moment later the floodgates opened and the chocolate made it's presence known again, in amongst puddles of what looked like pea soup. Even now I'm kinda shocked that so much substance could flow out of someone so small! We guided him into the baby changing area where Ellen could do a cleaning job on him. I left them in peace for a while and returned to find the poor guy sitting on the baby changing platform wearing nothing but his hoodie and a despondent expression. But, typical of the elastic nature of toddlerhood, he slept for a few hours and was right as rain soon enough!

He throws himself down flights of stairs and off chests of drawers. Gets the occasional bash and scrape, hunts down mummy for one of her healing kisses when necessary, before getting back to business..

I find this fascinating, he has given me my sense of wonder back. The things he loves, he embraces wholeheartedly, no grown up understating or nuancing here. Day to day life with Xander can be a struggle of psychological warfare, but to see him happy melts my world weary, cynical heart.

Jacob Maunders on the road to nowhere..

2008-10-05T20:07:00.005Z

3am on the outskirts of Birmingham and he's still smiling..

The wedding was a blast, by the way.

2008-09-29T15:58:00.013Z

Don’t think I’ve condensed as much into a short period of time. From the knee and hip dislocating coach journey up to Edinburgh [anyone over the height of 5 foot 8 will know what I’m talking about there], through the associated debauchery and trip in brilliant sunshine along the Scottish coast on the return.

Jake and myself piled onto the coach for 11pm at Victoria for our late night slog up North. And it was a soothing enough journey up, the sodium lit right angled London suburbs soon gave way to the comparatively unlit M1 and we both managed to get some kip before reaching our first break point.. a non-descript service station on the outskirts of north Birmingham. These places feel like they exist in a midnight limbo, the décor is sombre and unchanging (Burger King, WH Smiths and small gambling area seemingly the norm) and seemingly the staff are too. The only variation are the headlines on the newspapers you browse whilst passing on through. Maybe it was just me, but the second service station seemed identical to the first! Had our driver been taking us in circles for hours just for his own amusement? Perhaps…

Saturday morning greeted us with bright sunshine upon arrival to Edinburgh. We crowbarred ourselves out of our seats and disembarked on the lookout for breakfast. Thankfully succour was close to hand in the form of a fry up and cup of tea for under 4 quid. Our bellies filled we went for a stroll soaking up the autumn sunshine and killing a few hours before our hotel room became available.

Edinburgh is a picturesque city, full of imposing Georgian architecture and inspiring views of the sea (to the north) and the rocky hilltops of Holyrood Park (just to the south-east of the old town). We hiked up the path along Salisbury Craggs and just drank it all in under a warm sun and bright, clear sky.

The master of all he surveys..

Jake waxes lyrical about the city

We finally secured our hotel rooms around 12ish, did a little wedding related shopping amongst the tourists crowds before settling in for afternoon snooze in preparation for the main event. And what an event it was! The venue was the RAF Club, a place where ex-serviceman kick back and relax under a proudly aloft Union Flag, which is ironic really as my mate Jim is as cool and anti-establishment as you can possibly get. He was dressed in all his finery that evening, the usual casual stuff had been replaced with cutting edge 21st century kilt and buckled black boot combo.. with hair cut into post-modern style mohican.

Think Braveheart meets the Matrix...

The groom and father.. like chalk and cheese..

Also present was Jim's old man, as you can probably make out above. And they couldnt be much more different - son: cutting edge and progressive, father: a pillar of local Surrey society.

The olds left us about midnight to party on, Jake and myself decamped to a local boozer to get a nightcap before bed. My nights sleep was patchy and Jake's seemed to be pretty much non existent. It seemed like he'd had a tough night, as his mournful stare at breakfast the following morning seemed to illustrate.

I can't wait.. for the weekend to begin.

2008-09-19T16:02:00.003Z

Sorry bout the delay in posting..

Off to Edinburgh for my old buddy Jim's wedding celebration - photos to come.

In the meantime I am loading up on podcasts for the 9 hour coach journey (yeah Im, looking forward to that as much as youd expect), thought Id share some with you. Hope you enjoy..

The Collings and Herrin podcast is not for the fainthearted. A take on current affairs, it is in equal parts childish, crude but laugh out loud funny.. in a 15 year old kind of way..

Behind the Bricks is the brainchild of comedian Arizona comedian Brian Mollica and has been running for 90+ episodes. It is a behind the scenes look at the life of being a comedian presented in a very dry, intelligent style. Check out the tribute to comedy heavy hitter George Carlin, a man with half a century of output and a profundity (sp?) similar to that of Messrs Hicks and Bruce.

I reckon you should stock up too.. good for the 600 mile coach journeys in your life too..

Alex

Is my tinfoil hat (still) on straight?

2008-09-10T17:47:00.002Z

A website I sometimes check for an alternative take on what is going on in the world, it'll make you think. After checking this out, you might think twice when watching the nightly news.

On another note, I am a podcasting fiend at the moment. On my weekly trawl of thought provoking programmes to cram into my MP3 player, I discovered an interesting one on Charlie Manson - someone I knew absolutely nothing about. It seems he had his fingers in many pies according to the nice people from Out There Radio...its episode number 45 by the way..

Back to something slightly fluffier next time (I promise).

Alex

Hard night on the town, eh Chris?

2008-09-10T17:45:00.002Z

One of the young bucks in the office is feeling the pace as the afternoon drags on..

Flotsam and jetsam

2008-09-08T16:15:00.001Z

Its incredible what you can find washed up on the beach nowadays..

Steve McClaren - Likesh to Schpeak in Dutch, Yesh?

2008-09-07T19:45:00.001Z

Yesh! The former England soccer manager has picked up a top job at FC Twente in Holland and ends up sounding like a Dutch porn star in a TV interview. Typical Englishman abroad: doesn't bother learning the language but just puts on a funny accent instead.

Isle of Wight Pics..

2008-09-02T15:55:00.008Z

Hot off the presses. Summer seems but a memory now..

A chipmunk... looks like a big bugger too, doesnt it?

Ellen, enjoying a rare dose of blue sky and sunshine.

Transplanted 1960s tube trains that now form the train network for the island. I wish the London underground carriages were as colourful.

All hail the great explorer! ;)

Ellen goes paddling on the beach at Sandown.

A quick one

2008-08-25T12:28:00.002Z

Still a PC zone here.

Im down the internet cafe trying to hammer a couple hundred words update for you.

Enjoying the benefits of a three day bank holiday here. Ive spent way to much money so far and look to checking my bank balance with some trepidation come tomorrow. A wedding in Scotland calls, with the plane fare and accommodation expenses to go with that. Plus a meal with my dad tomorrow evening. The wine bill for that alone tends to be a little hefty. So I'll be cutting back on the spending.. but not just..yet...

Anyway, the Olympics is over. Our top athletes returned with a medal haul unprecedented since something like 1908...and we all of a sudden love sports like sailing, cycling and swimming. It encouraging but only seems to happen in four year intervals: some strapping girl from Mansfield wins double gold and all the kids want to go down the local sports centre again!

Seems like my time is running low here, so I'll leave it there for the moment.

Catch you again soon. Hopefully with photos next time.

Alex

And so it continues...

2008-08-20T17:52:00.005Z

My PC stubbornly conspires to keep my home internet free. So I've pulled myself away from my comfy chair and glasses of wine to note my musings down the local 'web cafe.. The place where kids come to check their myspace accounts and Russian girls chat on their mobile phones. Peaceful it isnt. The computer I'm currently using has a Google toolbar that you just cant remove. It displays the usual rotation of idiot banner ads for 'Free Emoticons' or 'Do you like Gordon Brown' surveys... 'enter now and win a laptop*' Grrrrr!! These things never cease to wind me up, I can tell you...

Anyway, on a lighter note - Ive just got back from a holiday on the Isle of Wight. Photos to come. We spent a delightful three nights at a Shanklin hotel and walked, paddled and dined in abundance. My gastro highlights being kippers for breakfast on Day 2 and Spanish Tapas for dinner on Day 3. The chorizo sausage in red wine sauce was to die for... mmmmm... The Isle of Wight is renowned for its simpler, gentler pleasures - activities which I would have turned my nose up just years ago but nowadays relish. For instance whilst reading the tourist guide I caught myself musing 'Ooh, the steam railway line sounds interesting..' or 'I wouldn't mind checking out the glassblowing workshop'. It seems the dashing young man about town I used to be has changed into someone a little more sedate..

It was with deep regret that I dragged myself and my sated belly back to home's more modest eating. Plus the joys of regular exercise too, walking the beach guzzling ice cream made me feel extremely guilty. This lunchtime I dragged my workmate Dan down to the local park for shuttle runs and pressups and absolutely wrecked him! Sunny and amusing by disposition, Dan then slumped into his office chair with a mellow smile and barely said a word all afternoon...

The Tate Modern Gallery is looking good at the moment..

2008-08-18T20:12:00.009Z

View from atop the Millenium Footbridge

Check out the passerby for scale.

Headhunter drinking tea?

Paul Simon - You can call me Al

2008-08-16T04:02:00.001Z

After finally digging up 'Hearts and Bones' - Paul Simon's previous album, I'm a happy man today. Here's another favourite of mine, Simon goofing around with Chevy Chase. Watching this raises a timeless question: is Chevy Chase really that tall of is Paul Simon about 4 foot 5 or something?

Finitribe - Forevergreen (Forevermost Excellent Mix)

2008-08-16T02:12:00.001Z

Please indulge me in this...

My friend Mark lent me a tape of this copied from his brother's vinyl in about 1994 (yes a tape! It was a LONG time ago). Have been looking for this on CD ever since.

Commando (1988)

2008-08-11T19:20:00.004Z

Hello again,

To keep my grey cells ticking over I have taken to review writing on Ciao once again. I discovered had made £35 from my skills, and lost it all from inactivity!

Bugger!

So, here is a review of one of my favourite films.

On the face of it, ‘Commando’ is formulaic adolescent action stuff. From the moment the first bit part actor is torn into pieces by binmen touting semi-automatic weapons and their snappy one liner, you know what to expect: violence, ungainly cliche, ridiculous plot development and guns. Lots and lots of guns.

The thing is, all these shortcomings actually make the film. ‘Commando’ is THE template ‘One Man Army’ Film which has been imitated, but never bettered. Simpsons fans will see the homage of Ranier Wolfcastle writ large during its’ 90 minutes. Needless to say, if you prefer a plot, any degree of subtlety and realism – this really isn’t going to be your cup of tea…

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Colonel John Matrix, yes – the screenplay even resorts to giving his character a zingy surname is pursuit of the comic book action that this movie portrays. He was the head of an organisation called ‘The Unit’ before settling down for a the quiet life with his daughter. Of course, he isn’t supposed to live for long as it turns out ‘someone’ is killing off members of ‘The Unit’, examples of which we see at the opening scenes of the film. Matrix’s ex-boss fears the Colonel may be next.

It turns out to be all a blag. ‘Someone’ is killing Matrix’s team to flush him out and General Kirby has led that ‘someone’ straight to him. This ‘someone’ turns out to be General Arius, smarmy ex dictator of Val Verde who Matrix helped to overthrow. He has an offer for our hero: assassinate the democratically elected successor to Arius or lose his daughter who will be ‘mailed back in pieces’ if he doesn’t cooperate.

Being Arn-uld of course. He doesn’t. He proceeds to take down the whole of the paramilitary organisation single handed, culminating in a firefight at the General’s Doric style mansion. After cleaning up the baddies, he flies off to the horizon with his love interest and daughter in tow – the world safer due to the efforts of one man…

Cliched, by the numbers stuff you might think. Right? Wrong!! ‘Commando’ stands alone as one of the most overblown, frankly silly pieces of cinema which you will ever see. And this is the very reason why I love the film so much. Schwarzenegger started his nearly decade long winning run of wisecracking hardarses with Matrix. The body parts of who the camera lovingly paws before the opening titles, he is just HUGE! A paradoxical man who can kill someone with a shoulder barge, shows absolutely no trepidation in taking on a heavily fortified enemy stronghold single handed yet has a doting daughter (played by Alyssa Milano from Charmed) and is shown feeding a deer with her in the starting credits! Plus, this monosyllabic killing machine has the dry, cutting wisecracks of Oscar Wilde – c’mon.. who are the filmmakers trying to fool??

All the plot-holes (there all dozens of them) and shoddy production values simply add to the film’s appeal. To pick two (out of many):
1. Matrix jumps from the landing gear of a ascending airliner and falls maybe 80 feet into the marshland below. Cut to a slowly travelling double travelling slowly from about 20 feet into the same marshes…
2. The Colonel plants several mines around the barracks of Arius’s men before the final big assault: said barracks explode from the INSIDE when he presses the trigger!

Its just laughable!

The supporting cast are the bit part players you expect in an Ar-nuld extravaganza. James Olson plays General Franklin Kirby (pronounced ‘Keurby’ in Arnie’s inimitable Austrian accent): a confused superior officer who spends most of his screen time looking confused upon discovering the carnage that his protegee causes. Love interest Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) is simply dragged along to flash her legs, whilst daughter Jenny (‘Chenny’) just provides annoyance value.

It is amongst the baddies of the piece that the movie gains its’ ‘this movie is so terrible it is a work of genius’ flavour. Dan Hedaya plays Arius, a man who projects his character simply with the power of his scowl. He has such a horribly forced Spanish accent that it would make Speedy Gonzales sound naturalistic. The other heavies are of little consequence, save Sully (David Patrick Kelly) a pint sized charming looking guy (emulating Face out of the A-Team perhaps?) with a terrible way with women (maybe not). The standout the bunch is Arnie’s ultimate nemesis, Bennett played by Australian actor Vernon Wells. Think about it: your baddie is normally some swarthy Latino, urbane (yet psychopathic) European or mysterious Oriental type. A big fat Australian with Freddy Mercury moustache, leather trousers, chain mail and dog tags just isn’t what you expect! He gets his fair share of panto villain one liners, often delivered in a sibilant whisper. In short, you would want to meet him down a dark alley.. but for slightly different reasons…

All of this silliness is backed by a soundtrack of original material written by James Horner – a man who graduated onto more epic fayre in Titanic and Apollo 13. He provides the synths, saxophones and steel drums designed to heighten the tension, but which end up sounding like elevator musak in the process.

The ‘special’ features offered with Commando ( the trailer and, erm that it) add to the final paradox of this movie. Pay £5 for something that’s cheap and tacky but so incredibly entertaining.. if its you’re kind of thing of course…

Otherwise steer clear of it like the plague..

More Dead Beatle Stuff

2008-08-07T19:08:00.003Z

As a treat, I took myself out for a few beers on Tuesday evening with some friends..

Nice to get stuck in on a school night. I revelled in the good company and knocked back a few too many glasses of wine for my well being - waking up on Weds with that salty 'Ive been licking the cat all night' taste in the mouth which many a cheap glass of house white often brings...

Here's a few links for my friend James who was out for drinks. His enthusiasm for WoB makes him my Number One Fan, and thus deserving of a special treat.

You said you found the 'Paul is Dead' scenario fascinating James, so here's a YouTube movie broken down into 5 parts.

Click here, here, here, here and here.

Once again, I reckon it's all a load of old cobblers. However, what a fascinating story to chew over..

Pierce Brosnan... SINGING!!

2008-08-04T19:22:00.002Z

When it comes to movies, I'm very blokey in my tastes:

THRILLER? yes
BOORISH COMEDY? of course
ARNIE? certainly
SCI FI? why not
INSCRUTABLE AUTEUR MOVIE? definitely

In an effort to round my cinematic education, and partly at the encouragement of someone close to me, I went to see (whisper it) a musical!

Mamma Mia is based loosely based on the music of Abba and has been a successful stage show. The plot concerns a girl who invites three men to her wedding on a Greek island in the hope of finding which one is her father (apparently mother - played by Meryl Streep was a bit of a goer back in the day). They turn up, twig what has been going on... aaaand thats pretty much it...

Now, being a guy, my mind is simply not hard wired to accept the premise of a musical: singing, dancing, irrational plot twists. It. Just. Doesn't. Work.

However after the initial Mickey Mouse Club Purgatory of the opening number (if you see it, you'll know what I mean), I was entertained. The worst part of this film by far is the Disney woodland creature that is Amanda Seyfried: she looks like Bambi and sounds like the girlfriend of one of The Chipmunks. For me, the genius of this movie was casting big names who just cannot sing or dance. The formulaic song and dance numbers will please musical fans - bright, catchy and fun. However, watching Julie Walters singing 'Take a Chance on Me' in her thick Brummie accent is like watching a streaker at a sports event: grisly but still compelling. You just cant look away...

The standout moment of this film, and what makes it unique, is the singing of Pierce Brosnan. Yes, the suave Irish Bond actually sings and its something you aren't gonna forget in a hurry..

He sounds like Shane McGowan out of the Pogues!

For the car crash compelling nature of Bond's performance I give this film a 6/10. Uplifting and by the numbers with a few moments that will make you cringe.. in the best possible way...

Alex

I've set myself a challenge...

2008-07-31T17:56:00.003Z

I suggested this to someone via email and their response would do Nelson Muntz himself proud.

So will keep you posted. Currently I can do 10... and thats a struggle...

Late nights.. and early mornings..

2008-07-29T16:36:00.003Z

After a day in the office staring at a computer screen, Ive come home to spend a few more hours staring at a different one!

Still, life continues to chunter along at an agreeable pace. My work days are spent sitting at a desk drinking coffee all day whilst my free time is spent in a much more rewarding manner. I've been alluding to what Ive been doing over the last couple of months and some people have caught on. All Im gonna say (for the moment) is Im tired but very contented... All the early starts to get to work of a weekday have had some benefits if you know what I mean???

Today a former boss came into the office, young infant in tow. Queue the procession of cooing female workers to crowd round the child to express their approval. Its times like this I wish I was a construction worker or something, as our office just swims with oestrogen. We need some Pirelli albums on the wall to redress the balance methinks.

Well it would put a more satisfying spring in my step than all those cups of coffee do!!!

It was baking this weekend. A sustained summer warm spell has finally settled over us bringing sunshine, smiles and a suntan. My usual English complexion has been turned a wholesome gold and I feel all the better for it. We ventured down to Clapham Common for the Ben and Jerry's music festival on Sunday and experienced temperatures in the late 20s. Punters were samwiched under anything which would provide a measure of shade; trees, the portable toilets, the bins... Those who couldn't laid down on the grass and just perspired. The free ice cream on offer got hoovered up pretty quickly and the queues for the water stretched to the dozens by mid afternoon. However, we amused ourselves with the diversions on offer such as the petting zoo - a local farm had brought along cows, sheep, a flock of rather warm, bemused looking waterfowl, a turkey and some interesting looking chicken/poodle crosses.... I kid you not, imagine Foghorn Leghorn crossed with Crufts finest and you're not far off..

Lunch...

Blogger?? Piece of cr**!! Grrr!!!

2008-07-24T19:33:00.003Z

Apologies about the truncated wedding account last time around. Blogger is conspiring to make my image posting experience as irritating as possible of late. I attach a photo. Blogger freezes. I attempt to retrieve my post. It reappears.. without posted picture. I repeat the exercise.. and return the start of the sequence again...and again.. and again..

A short pause then follows as I shot put my PC monitor out my window... well not yet - but you know what I mean.

Am not impressed...

The Stud's big day..

2008-07-23T16:25:00.011Z

Sis Astrid with yours truly

You can probably guess what these two were up to..

Don't get the chance to write much nowadays, now I have more worthwhile things to concentrate my time on. Still, as my blog suddenly has a mind blowingly international readership.. thought it might be time to pull out a few more stops again.

Let me tell you about the wedding I went to the other weekend. Dusted down my formal suit, gave the shoes a good polish (you could see your face in ‘em!) and caught the train down to the Kent countryside to watch one of the step-family get hitched. And what church it was! (pic above) Sculptured topiary and crumbling gothic gravestones on the outside with cool white marble and a genial vicar as master of ceremonies on the inside. Brad and Tiggy come from the beautiful side of the family; the groom has an easy smile and an approachable charm, while the bride radiates a genuine warmth that you cannot fail to appreciate. In short – they are made for each other. I predict Mr and Mrs Morrish will settle down to a long and happy marriage and produce photogenic blonde Mothercare babies – much like my friends Steve and Amy.

The reception was held at the bride’s family home. A picturesque spread tucked away down single lane tracks and rustic farmland – complete with succulent farmland views and ample parking in the field next door. Guests rolled up the front drive and gathered in front of the main house to mingle whilst wait staff plied them with champagne and delectables. At the appointed hour, one of Brad’s buddies called us all in to the marquee to eat. The spread was for 150 people and we each guzzled our fair share of pair of red and white wines - each table was brought a side of lamb and a chefs hat - one person per table was nominated 'Dad' and carved up the meat. The vegetables followed quickly behind.

Speeches and congratulations followed. The bride was lightly ribbed by a proud father while two (yes two!) best men good humouredly tore into the groom with a supposedly teenage diary in which the young Brad referred to himself as 'The Stud' whilst making reference to his hair and all the pretty girls he knew. The audience loved the material, but it looked like the poor guy wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

Once the formalities were over, we got stuck into the wine and the dancing. Finally I crawled off in a taxi with the family about 1am - well fed and happy.

Turn Me on... Dead Man' (??!!)

2008-07-21T16:47:00.003Z

Folktales and rumours, dontcha just love em! I do – think Ive expressed my enthusiasm at length before though. Here is a good one, and surprisingly I never knew anything about it until recently

Gonna share my enthusiasm with you now. Indulge me by sharing my wonder if you’ve heard this one before. Scratch your head in bewilderment if you haven’t.

Click here:

Now it all sounds like a load of old nonsense to me, however the number and rich diversity of the ‘clues’ are fascinating – from the indistinct to the downright chilling. Back in the day people played pop records backwards to hear the hidden messages (both intentional and unintentional) - Revolution 9 from the White Album played forwards is freaky enough but in reverse makes the hair on the back of the neck stand on end unlike anything Ive experienced since watching the 20 second scary bit out of Inland Empire.

Creepy...

My latest gadget..

2008-07-16T16:53:00.003Z

Nifty little blog map eh? Ive spent the last 6 months trying to find one that fits and finally tracked one down that (sorta) does..

Im a happy man.

LORDS: its a love/hate thing.

2008-07-15T14:01:00.003Z

A view of Lords Pavillion on Day 4

Well, its the day after the cricket and Ive made a solid recovery.

To be quite honest Id been dreading it. 5 consecutive fifteen hour days that had last time left me feeling grumpy and delirious - was I seriously gonna put myself through that again!??

Yes I was. My alarm woke me up at 5.30 on Thursday and after a swift shower and a swifter can of Red Bull I was on my way. There is something special about the ambience of a Lords Test Match. Perhaps it's the checkerboard field of brilliant green which the game is played on, or the view from the stands when the English weather is not conspiring against us (see above). Or the people: Lords is one of the last bastions of the old boy network of florid faced cream clad middle aged men from good schools who possess horrible fashion sense. Their children (dragged at the weekend) are either photogenic little blonde girls who are bored silly by the whole occasion or young lads with pageboy haircuts and outfits matching those of their fathers'.. The MCC (Marylebone Cricket Club) colours are everywhere you look. Their red and yellow flag waves from high above the Grandstand looking confusingly like the national flag of Spain. The members wear the egg and bacon colours on their ties, their handkerchiefs and also the most heinously lurid blazers you'd ever imagine.

5 minutes for play starts for the day, a cricketing luminary of old rings the bell to inform watchers that play is imminent - queue much singing of that old 1970s disco standard. On day four just before play started a former England captain called Mike Gatting walked by and he stopped for a chat. He was never a svelte man in his prime and has obviously been enjoying a little bit to much corporate cuisine of late. Predicting an England victory 'by lunch' on the final day he then wandered off - probably for a few more glasses of red and a snooze. A passerby overheard and piped up to me 'That Gatting, lunch is all he thinks about!'

I'll spare you a blow by blow account of the match. Ill just say that after 3 days of having the upper hand, the England team were scuppered by the South African batsmen who dug in under the sunshine of Sunday and Monday to force a stalemate. By 10 minutes to five on the final day, the captains shook hands, the Test was called a draw and we buggered off down the pub for what our boss John calls a 'debrief'. Must admit, in spite of the fatigue induced delirium, the camarederie amongst me and my colleagues makes rolling up to work at an ungodly hour well and truly worth it. The banter flows between us as freely as the alcohol does amongst the patrons upstairs. I've been given a nickname on account of religiously buying two sets of sandwiches for lunch daily - Tupac (geddit?) and I renamed my Australian buddy Sean Puff Daddy whilst teaching him all the gangsta patter I knew. When you see a white middle class guy from the suburbs of Sydney trying to act like a badboy it'd probably make you laugh too...

Next one is gonna be the one day international at the end of August and Im looking forward to it.

Off to the cricket again..

2008-07-09T19:37:00.001Z

Working at Lords again this week. .. 5.30am starts and lots of rain - oh joy!

Thoughts for the week..

2008-07-07T18:51:00.003Z

The sun's shining now..

I stepped out about an hour ago onto the fast flowing river which used to be known as Surbiton Crescent - the floodwater rushed past me at speed and passing motorists did their best to drench the pavements. Man.. is this climate change? I certainly can't remember June and July days of torrential downpours interspersed with the odd day of balmy sunshine. It seemed, well, alot more predictable back in the day.. thats what I think, anyway..

This evening I finally disposed of the services of Facebook after about two years of use. I have had enough. Managed to disable all the inane invitation emails which was a godsend, but do I really want a ringside seat on the mental workings of my peers? Frankly the thought of hanging out my (e-)washing out for all to gawp at does not appeal. If you wanna contact me, send an email. Or even better, call - be nice to chat!

After the financial glories of the last season, its again time for my football accumulator - this time for the 08-09 season. My £10 stake this time goes onnnnnn...

Hull City 1/4 RELEGATED:

Stoke 4/11 RELEGATED:

Both thes sides would need to spend plenty of cash to get the players neccessary to score the goals to keep them up. Hull are looking at Bolton, Man City and Middlesborough cast-offs while Stoke manager Tony Pullis has never been relegated whilst being in charge. I have a feeling that may change.

Crystal Palace 9/2 PROMOTED:

Unlucky to lose in the playoffs last season, Palace have an extremely canny manager who has a knack of bringing the best out of the assets he has. Needs a striker though, pretty sharpish..

Blackpool 7/4 RELGATED:

Come on! Its Blackpool we're talking about here! They're after Darren Huckerby!

Leeds United Evens PROMOTION:

The biggest fish in the division by a street. Been down for a season and so should have adjusted to the league - no 15 point penalty either. Way to much class for this level: Beckford, Howson et al should do the business here.

What do you think?

On a more amusing note: a picture for you. I regularly walk past a florist called 'The Buttonhole' in Molesey, Surrey. The shop has lost some lettering from above the window which is unfortunate to say the least.

In a fit of adolescence the temptation to take a picture was just too great.

Head and shoulders above the rest..

2008-06-30T19:44:00.003Z

Here is another one of those exhibits sometimes installed on the South Bank of London for the benefit of the tourists and the artier amongst the locals. Like a cross between 2001 and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, it sucked in the young folk who you can see cavorting amongst the pillars here.

Anyway, onto 'Cass'. I took Mark to the media screening of my brother in law's film the other week at the uber-trendy media offices of the Moving Picture Company in Soho. It's the story of Cass Pennant, 80s football hooligan turned author whose story proved to be intriguing viewing. The audience was a mixed bunch: pastel clad print journos and new media sorts with oversize headphone mixed with middle aged East End boys in snug pink polo shirts and tattoos down their arms. Cass is of a similar vintage to the mature crowd, an enormous man clad with a shaven head and tinted shades - he exudes a sense of presence as he works the room and you get the feeling that you just wouldn't mess with him. After our gratis Polish beer we all rolled into the viewing room, lights dimmed and the credits rolled....

There have been alot of football hooligan type films which may have passed the uninitated by: Football Factory and Green Streets being but two of them. Cass stands out in that it is based on the biography of a real person, an orphaned black child called Carole who was brought up in East London during a time when racial diversity was not as embraced as it is today. Yep, alongside the violence and the (admittedly amusing) cockerney humour 'Cass' deals with issues which your run of the mill mindless violence fest refuses to address. Racism. Family. Loss. And it stands out from the crowd because of it.

Admittedly the cache of 6 foot 10 inch, mountainous black actors must be sort of limited (bar the big dude out of the Green Mile) but the choice of Nonzo Anosie as Cass is a pretty good one. He holds himself with a sense of dignity and compassion which is almost Shakespearean at times, but just doesn't fully convince as the hard man. The supporting cast are the amiable cockney scallywags you'd expect - Leo Gregory as the weaselly looking Freeman has the greatest line in the whole film which made me chuckle:

'Tell your Millwall boyfriend I've done his Reene up the 'arris... again'

If you need a translation for that - you'll have to go elsewhere. Sorry.

Still, 'Cass' is very much worth the watch. There is enough violent titillation for those who want it, and plenty of geezerish humour too. However the thoughtful aspects of this movie make it stand head and shoulders above the rest of the British celluloid fayre of late.

Id give it a 7.

Cheers,

Alex

Takin' Care O Bid'ness..

2008-06-27T17:30:00.003Z

I feel guilty... 3 posts in two weeks... in my defence I have been very preoccupied...

I love Summer. The wather has stayed distinctly changeable over the last couple of months (climate change for you), but we've still had some moments of seasonal enjoyment. When I wake up at 7.00am and its dark and wet again, certainly won't be happy..

Everything around here is so.... green! The rain falls freely and the sun shines brightly straight after. The picture above was taken on an early walk I took through a place called Molesey one morning: the heavens had opened the previous night and the sun was there to turn the pools of water into vibrant reflective mirrors soon after.

Another first for me. Visited a sushi bar in uber-trendy Wardour Street in Soho, centre of London. I found the conveyor belt of oriental treats just too tempting to resist - all you gotta do is reach out and grab the next succulent bowlful which catches your eye.. ingenious!

Till next time..

Alex

A sure-fire way to get a woman's respect:

2008-06-23T16:18:00.003Z

Here's my secret....

When helping her assemble flat pack furniture - do as you're told and do not complain.

It. Never. Fails. You don't have to schmooze her or treat her well - just do as you're told!

I am kidding by the way..

Feel guilty as I haven't written anything for a while. My regular visitors keep on logging on and Ive been disappointing them of late.. so sorry..

Anyway, hope you're all doing good. Im writing this tucking into a pizza when I should be deeply asleep - giving you an update is that important to me. Tonight I visited my mate Dave down in Guildford: a town where the high street estate agents advertise properties valued in the millions instead of the hundred of thousands of pounds. I felt like a character out of Oliver Twist pawing at the windows of a bakery whilst staring with greedy fascination at all the goodies inside. The piece de resistance was a huge Georgian marble pile in the deepest, darkest countryside of Surrey for 9 million quid. No starter home crap peddled here, and when you're in a town with more coffee shops than fast food outlets, its not really surprising - is it?

Off to a movie screening on Thursday of a film called 'Cass' - and its actually directed by my brother in law! Ill tel you all about it next time.

Till then!

Alex

'Pure alcohol doesnt thrill me at all...'

2008-06-18T16:13:00.003Z

The Chairman of the Board wasn't far off...

First of all, apologies for the political rant last post around. Noone wants to hear someone mounting their soapbox on such a tedious issue. So will keep future posts full of wit and whimsy, I promise.

Anyway, I've had a revelation of sorts over the last couple of weeks. Since my formative years I have been rolling down the boozer of a weekend, knocking back a hearty share of booze before unsteadily weaving my way home to wake the following morning with an addled brain and a pocket full of change and receipts. It seemed that the larger the pile of change, the heavier the night was - know what I mean? However recently the drinking holes have lost their attraction and the shots which I used to drain with a macho abandon have lost their lustre. This will disappoint some: I'll get accused of being dull Im sure... but it's true!! I was out on Saturday and the first two pints of Frulli slipped down like the fruit flavoured soft drinks that they are. The JD and coke and sambuca that followed, stuck in my craw a little - leaving me befuddled and unsteady.. whereas my friends ploughed on seemingly renewed. My bed was calling whereas my nearest and dearest seemed intent on painting the town an alluring shade of Red Bull.. therefore I lamely made my excuses and left...

Hell, I'm exploring territory in my life which was previously undisturbed - things which fill me equally full of excitement and trepidation, but I didnt expect the slippers/cardie/Antiques Roadshow transformation to be so rapid and complete!

On another note. Film recommendation for you: Crash from 2004. A movie that plays on introspective identity themes like American Beauty whilst adopting the narrative style of a movie like Magnolia. Its also one of the most emotionally manipulative films I have ever seen - Crash left me emotionally wrung out, I saw all the hacky plot devices coming from a distance but nonetheless enjoyed every moment of it. Check it out...

Cheers,

Alex

Dont want WoB to be just for my ranting..

2008-06-14T10:58:00.005Z

But, we'll come to that in a moment.

Morning to you. I thought it was time for another post, however as I consumed a bottle of that ready mixed G&T stuff last night, my mental processes are feeling sluggish today.

Remember my friend James? He tied the knot with his fiancee Charlotte amongst much flinging of woo recently, I think they went off to Thailand or somewhere for the honeymoon - must've been sweet. However I'm gonna be very surprised if the person who checked my blog from Bangkok in Thailand was James, whilst he was away! I'm flattered to think that the words I write here could distract anyone from palm trees, sandy white beaches and a loving new spouse. If/when my time comes, you won't be hearing from me for a couple of weeks, period!

Anyway, the two blips of football and politics have been featuring of my radar of late. The European Championships are currently taking place in the twin soccer powerhouses of Austria and Switzerland. And thankfully, without the English team there, we don't get the hype, the arrogance and the hubris which my country takes to some major sporting events. I've put a tenner on the Germans to win at 4-1 so await the outcome with considerable interest.

As for the political stuff: Parliament has just passed a measure to allow 'terrorists' to be held 42 days without trial. This bill was apparently passed by the Government giving possible dissenters whatever they wanted in order to get them on board. Which makes me wonder, why is Gordon Brown so desperate to get this Bill passed? Why will the extra 14 days make all the difference? If the Lords does give it the green light, we'll have the longest period of detention without trial in the world. Even more than the Chinese government, and we all know what happens to people who disagree with them!

The Shadow Home Secretary, a bloke called David Davies, resigned from the Conservative Cabinet on the basis of this. I urge you to read his speech and chew over the ramifications of it. This Government is so inept with the sensitive information it has acquired, would you really trust your own personal information to be safely looked after? Under a blanket of fear mongering we are being cajoled towards a state where our freedoms and privacy are being steadily eroded. And this must stop...

Boys Toys

2008-06-10T20:18:00.008Z

I'm findng the pace of life has increased to an even more frenetic pace recently. On completing a job from my mental checklist, a further 3 related tasks seem to appear to replace it. I need a PA, anyone interested?
With my winnings from the other week I have purchased a spanking piece of audio kit. Its the Sony NWZ -A828 and you can play music on it.

Mmmm, shiny!

It holds 8 gigabytes of music (that's alot), plus movie and audio. It's a blokey matte black colour, the size of a credit card and the depth of a small packet of matches. Also on the plus side it has Bluetooth headphones, so no wires - I've been walking into work wearing what looks like a pair of techno earmuffs. Nifty huh?

After finally working out how the bloody thing works (the instructions should've been in Klingon for all the use they were), Ive managed to put most of my musical collection onto it... And what an old fogie I must've turned into! When you start listening to Johnny Cash and enjoying it, y'know the cutting edge of musical appreciation is disappearing into the rearview mirror of life.

And thats about your lot for the moment. Here's a link I found on youtube for those of a motoring persuasion. I hope it amuses and entertains you as much as it did me.

Catch you soon.

Alex

He's certainly got a nice smile..

2008-06-08T16:08:00.003Z

The orthodontist has done a fine job!

So here's my take on the US Elections: a show that this time I've been glued to. It seems that the Republicans have opted for a personification of 'The Man' in 95 year old John McCain. Will American voters really fall for someone who is a paid up member of The Establishment? Will they really be cowed into submission with a further diet of militarism and fear? I hope not. I watched a snippet of this guy laying into Obama (the guy above if you didn't know) about the suggestion of meeting Cuban President Raoul Castro 'for talks': "what kind of message does this send out to people?" he asked? Welllllllllll.. surely the message it sends out is that the Democratic nominee is up for engaging people in rational discussion instead of threatening to bomb the cr*p out of them.. Sensible, no?

On the Democratic side, we had the struggle between two big hitters: Senators Obama and Clinton. Even though Mrs C is a paid up member of the left-wing establishment, it stunned me how much of a free pass her opponent seemed to get in the press. He's handsome, he has a pleasing, velvety baritone like Bill Marshall and I guess he hasn't been around for long enough for the sh*t to stick to him. Still, what is this 'Change' business I keep on hearing about? What makes him the breath of fresh air to make the pundits to be dribbling with pleasure - besides the fact he looks the part and is a black guy?

So Clinton has bowed out. Or, what was it? 'Suspended' her participation. What is it with the hubris of these people? Doesn't she know she's out of it? Still, I reckon it sounds like she's waiting for something unexpected - this guy isn't too impressed - and frankly, neither am I.

Any excuse for a piss up..

2008-06-03T17:47:00.003Z

Evening,

Im pretty knackered today. My panda eyed doppelganger who stares back at me through the bathroom mirror looks in need of an early night. Will be happy to oblige him this time.

Our haystack haired Mayor of London instituted an interesting little wheeze as part of his 'law and order' strategy. As of June 1st 2008, consumption of alcohol was made illegal on all London Buses, the DLR and also on the Tube.

Granted, he should've given the Met Police a bit more advanced notice - but I feel the idea itself is sound. As a rule I consider myself a libertarian after formative years of woolly minded Liberal tree hugging tendencies. However after seeing this and this I realised my rabid Daily Mail leanings will just not go away!

Soap Box Time: I believe drinking alcohol should be treated with the same degree of disdain as smoking cigarettes continues to be. Booze tends to be just as detrimental and disruptive to people's lives as tobacco does. People need the smallest of excuses to get absolutely wa*kered and the 31st of May was a prime example. Not resorting to putting on my hoary old curmudgeon hat is a struggle at this point. All I will say is that when people get hammered at the drop of a hat pass out, get arrested and chunder everywhere Im either hopelessly out of step with the spirit (pardon the pun) of the day or people are more boorish and self indulgent than they used to be.

How measured was that mini rant then? Richard Littlejohn I aint! Despite my increasing reactionary hankerings to the contrary...

Till Next Time..

Alex

Catchup...

2008-06-01T20:08:00.002Z

So my gym assessment it was not to be..

I felt comfortable, almost smug, in my gym knowledge and skills. Could tell you which exercise worked which part of the body and stretch you into knots. However, when the correct barbell wasn't around for a shoulder press - it all went pear shaped. When it came to the spotting technique, I gave Dave (my guinea pig) a chunky, hard core lifting bar with 5 kilos on each end -it was all I could find! He gave it his best, face grimacing and arm muscles twitching like the best of them - but eventually my assessor came in and called an end to things.

You see, I did all the homework, genned myself up more than adequately. However, I didn't come around an hour early to have a good look, find the right equipment and to show Dave what to expect. I guess I reckoned gyms are pretty much identical to one another (mine has barbells on the floor everywhere you look). How wrong I was.

Still its a learning curve. I see this as a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Won't be as complacent next time.

Anyway, time races by ever quicker. At the same time, the minutae of day to day life bog me down with increasing impact. I'm having my fun (some of it the best possible sort) but its seems less and less likely I can share it with all the people Id like to. Managed a rushed email exchange with my buddy Mark - he is settling into domesticity in Godalming with his usual enthusiasm for the simpler things in life. Meanwhile Dave's transformation is a revelation: the untamed boozer is moving to the country with his girl and talks of mowing lawns, cats and gardening!

There are so many others, and this would be my message to them: 'I miss you. It'd be great to catch up with and get some quality time together. I'll make every effort to do in the near future'.

Easy Vibe (as my oldest mate Jim T would say)

Alex

World of Bile

Full circle..

Pics of our US trip (June-July 2009) PART 1

So long.. nearly..

George Bush - "Imagine"

Im off to buy some facemasks wholesale.. make a killing (!?)

Bill Clinton and voodoo doll commercial..

Watership Down (1978)

Snatch Wars (Snatch Vs Star Wars)

A movie about the life of Jade Goody?

'If I'm not mee.. den who da hell am I?'

THE STORY

WHAT I THINK:

You know you're a proper grown up when...

A shrine to the bloke out of T-Rex (??!!)

I had a dream..

Please check this out.. something for the grey matter..

A Sunday Roundup

An Ode to My Favourite German Industrial Metal Band

Dark, powerful and upsetting... and I like it

Photo Update: March 1

Update PART TWO: You can find me on Facebook again..

Random loose end tie-up PART ONE

Its official, Mark...

Molesey Heath, Saturday 21st February

My latest TV vice

Singin' In The Rain (Ciao Review)

Ow,ow, ow

Behold..

With the sirens ringing round my ears..

I ache...

Winter blues..

'A whole lotta shaking going on'

A clean sheet..

Predator review

'Christmas Lunch for Dummies' Anyone?

Baseballs newest recruit?

Righteous Kill.. my two cents

I am here to please you...

Xander never stops moving..

I want nieces and nephews darn it! But in the meantime..

I love the sound of Rammstein in the morning.

Hello, good evening, welcome and goodbye...again..

Dear Santa, for Xmas I would like...

Pics taken from N95: Autumn 2008

All things fitness related - UPDATE

Man has nervous breakdown in granite quarry...

Ellie treads the boards...

Life Aquatic - rescuing the bond company stooge

And the winner is..

Beer of the year..

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 1 of 6

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 2 of 6

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 3 of 6

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 4 of 6

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 5 of 6

20/20 - Politically Incorrect Guide To Politics - Pt. 6 of 6

How to Start Blogging with Blogger ***DAVE READ THIS***

A moan from the heart….. literally

Looks like my favourite blogger has made a return to form

McCain and Palin Dance in High School Musical 3!

The secret to losing weight..

Star Wars Spoof Battle With Benny Hill

Feeling hungry? Not for long you wont be..

ROCKY BALBOA

My new 'niece' - she likes to lick herself (??!!)

Autumn lingers with its' pleasing moments

National Debt clock can't keep up, need another digit

My life has been turned upside down.

Jacob Maunders on the road to nowhere..

The wedding was a blast, by the way.

I can't wait.. for the weekend to begin.

Is my tinfoil hat (still) on straight?

Hard night on the town, eh Chris?

Flotsam and jetsam

Steve McClaren - Likesh to Schpeak in Dutch, Yesh?

Isle of Wight Pics..

A quick one

And so it continues...

The Tate Modern Gallery is looking good at the moment..

How to Start Blogging with Blogger DAVE READ THIS